Brokedown Cowboy Read online

  “It’s my barn raising. I should not have to get in the dunk tank.”

  Liss laughed and turned away from him, and he followed after her. This felt normal.

  This did not feel like an interaction he would have with the Liss of his late-night fantasies. This was Liss, his best friend. This was just how it should be.

  CHAPTER NINE

  LISS LOOKED AROUND at the collection of people who had turned out for the barn raising. She wanted to go around and give each and every person a hug and a kiss, except she wouldn’t, because that was gross. And because she really wasn’t that much of a toucher. But in spirit, she felt like doing it.

  While the turnout was not as grand as it had been for the great Fourth of July barbecue a couple of months back, it was still very impressive.

  A few guys from town had brought out their barbecues and were grilling Garrett beef, hot dogs and veggie burgers. Alison had brought several pies and cakes, while Ace was a one-man refreshment machine.

  Everyone was about to fuel up before the volunteers took to raising the frame. The pad had been cleared, and the pieces assembled and laid out the previous week by the crew Connor had hired to do most of the fine detail work.

  And today the bulk of the structure would get installed, speeding up the construction.

  Eli was making his way through the crowd of people, making sure to greet everyone. Out of uniform today, he looked handsome in his black T-shirt, jeans and cowboy hat. But, in Liss’s opinion, he couldn’t compete with Connor.

  Connor, who was not making the rounds, but was standing near the building materials nursing a beer. He was still rocking his beard, though he had trimmed it a little bit for the event. He was wearing a battered baseball cap, a tight white T-shirt that exposed the hard muscles beneath and faded jeans with holes in the knees.

  Just looking at him made her mouth dry. Made her stomach tight. Made her want things that she absolutely shouldn’t want. Living with him was definitely the special kind of torture she had anticipated. In the three weeks since she had come to his house, she had seen him in his underwear only once, but she was coming to realize that Connor in constant doses was dangerous whether he was fully clothed or not. She had thought that maybe being immersed in daily domestic tasks with him would make it all feel commonplace. That was not the case. If anything, the web of intimacy that she had felt caught in that morning she brought him cereal had tightened around them both.

  Of course, he probably didn’t feel it. Because men didn’t worry about things like the intimacy of eating cereal.

  Of course, whether or not men worried about it was moot. Connor just didn’t see her that way. He never had.

  She looked at him again and her heart started to beat faster. How on earth could you be friends with a man for as long as she had been friends with him, and still not be immune to him?

  Her...attraction, feelings...whatever, had lessened over the years, of course, but they seemed to be intensifying again.

  She tried not to think about the year when Jessie had gone off to college. She and Connor had both stayed in town, and their bond had intensified during that time. And sometimes she’d imagined... But then, when Jessie had come back, Connor had proposed.

  And she’d just felt stupid. And small. And mean. For wishing that her two best friends would break up. For wishing that she could have Connor to herself. For hoping that, while Jessie had been away, the bond between herself and Connor had become strong enough that it would become something more.

  She was a terrible friend. Fortunately, nobody knew.

  Just like nobody knew that the night of Jessie and Connor’s wedding, Liss had snuck onto Garrett property and gone down to the river they had spent so much time at when they were teenagers. She’d sat on the swing, the one Connor had talked her into jumping from on a hot summer day years before, and she’d rocked back and forth, inhaling the familiar breeze. Getting used to being alone. Getting used to being without him. She’d gotten drunk on champagne from their wedding reception, still wearing her maid of honor dress, while she cried until her throat hurt.

  But the next morning, with only her hangover as a companion, she’d been certain she’d purged her feelings for him from her system. Connor and Jessie were married; the fairy tale was over. She wasn’t the princess. That was life.

  She’d done a damn fine job of believing that. But then Connor’s happily-ever-after had gone terribly wrong. The story had changed again.

  It was all her body, her heart, needed to rekindle the flame. Apparently.

  And that just made her feel like the biggest dick of all time. As if there was an opportunity open to her because of Connor’s grief. Because of the loss of Jessie. Yeah, a huge dick.

  She looked away from Connor, and over at the “dance floor”—which was really just some boards that had been anchored to the ground temporarily—where people had already coupled off and were holding each other close as the band played a slow country song.

  “Did you get a drink?”

  Liss looked over and saw Ace standing beside her, holding out a red plastic cup with beer filled to the top. “I didn’t,” she said, taking his offering. “Thanks.”

  “I’m taking a break,” he said, rocking back on his heels. “Do you want to take one, too?”

  “Are you hitting on me?” she asked. She had known Ace in passing for years, and while he was definitely sexy, she had never really thought of him that way. Mainly because she had either been in a relationship or pining after Connor. Which didn’t leave a whole lot of time to look at the perfectly nice eligible men who littered the town.

  That should change.

  He smiled, his blue eyes glittering. “Maybe. Unless you don’t want me to. In which case, maybe let’s just start with a dance.”

  She set her beer down on the table next to her. “I can’t remember the last time I danced. Sure.”

  His smile broadened, and he held his hand out. She took it. It was warm and strong. It was nice. But it didn’t turn her on. Nothing like when Connor had taken hold of her arm when he caught her on the trail.

  Of course, she hadn’t even begun to think of Ace in a sexual way, and Connor had the benefit of more than fifteen years of fantasy built around him. So maybe that was the reason.

  They moved to the edge of the dance floor, and he pulled her up against his chest, one hand around her waist, the other holding hers. “How come we’ve never danced before?” he asked, a hint of double entendre lacing his tone.

  “No good reason I can think of,” she said.

  Liss saw movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Connor walking toward the dance floor. For one heart-stopping second, she thought he was coming for her. And if he did, she would go with him. There was no question. Yes, Ace was hot. And being held up close against his body felt nice, but that was all it was. Nice. Kind of comfortable like a pair of socks. And she barely knew the guy. She’d known Connor for the better part of her life, and try as she might, she couldn’t make touching him comfortable.

  Touching Connor was like standing in a field during a lightning storm. Exhilarating, beautiful, terrifying. Probably dangerous. It had been, from the time she’d been a fifteen-year-old girl until now as a thirty-three-year-old woman.

  But Connor wasn’t walking toward them. He wasn’t even looking at them.

  Instead, Connor walked straight past all of the dancing and went right for the stage.

  The band stopped playing, and Connor went to stand in front of the lead singer’s microphone. “Nobody panic. I’m not going to sing.”

  Everyone laughed, and Liss suddenly became aware that she was still standing, holding on to Ace. Which, when she thought about it, was a little bit weird when there was no music.

  “I just wanted to thank everyone for coming out today,” Connor said, cle
aring his throat nervously. Other than when he’d spoken his vows in front of the guests at his wedding, Liss didn’t think Connor had ever spoken in front of a group of people before. She felt nervous on his behalf. “Everyone here has been a lot better to me than I’ve ever been to them. And that’s the truth. Eli is the best of us Garretts. Kate comes in a close second. I think I’m somewhere way down the list, even though most of the spaces on the list are blank.”

  Liss extricated herself from Ace’s hold, offering him a smile and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, trying to minimize the little bit of awkwardness that always followed when you’d just squirmed out of a guy’s arms.

  “All that to say,” Connor continued, “let’s raise a barn.”

  There was a smattering of applause after his announcement, but Connor was already moving away from the stage and toward the building site.

  “I guess that’s my cue,” Ace said, offering her a smile and walking toward Connor.

  But Liss’s brain ceased to process anything when Connor gripped the hem of his white T-shirt and tugged it over his head, sending his baseball cap flying to the ground, exposing his broad, muscular back and his lean waist.

  Those jeans were riding dangerously low on his hips, and she absolutely stared as he bent down to retrieve the cap he’d lost during his unintentional strip show.

  Connor wasn’t the only worker who decided to ditch his shirt. It was a veritable all-male revue. Of course, none of them flipped her switch quite the way Connor did.

  “Not bad.” Kate Garrett was standing at Liss’s side, obviously enjoying the show. Though Liss imagined for very different reasons.

  “No, indeed,” Sadie said, coming to stand on the other side of Liss. “Of course, the object of my affection has left his shirt on. He’s far too appropriate sometimes. Well, not in all venues.” She winked, and Kate groaned.

  Liss couldn’t help but feel as if there was something slightly pointed in the way Sadie had worded the previous sentence. And she didn’t like it at all.

  “Ace left his shirt on,” Liss said, talking directly to Sadie.

  “Shame,” Kate said.

  Sadie offered her a look that spoke volumes. “A real tragedy for you.”

  Kate made a noise in the back of her throat. “Oh, look, Jack took this opportunity to take his shirt off, too. I don’t think he likes to keep his clothes on if he can help it.”

  “Not if the rumors about him are true,” Liss said, more than happy to take the focus off her.

  “Do you think they are?” Kate asked.

  For some reason Liss didn’t really want to confirm for Kate that she was 99 percent sure the rumors about Jack were understated if anything.

  “I feel like we should help,” Kate said.

  “I organized most of this, so I do not feel the need to pick up a tool of any kind,” Sadie said.

  Kate rolled her eyes. “A little sweat isn’t going to hurt you,” she said, rolling up the sleeves on her plaid shirt.

  “I can only think of a couple good reasons to sweat,” Sadie said. “Scratch that, I can think of one good reason to sweat. And it has nothing to do with raising a barn.”

  “I get it, Sadie. You have sex with my brother. We don’t ever need to speak of it.” Kate flipped her braid over her shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make myself useful.”

  Kate turned and walked toward the action, and Liss and Sadie watched her go. Then Sadie turned her far too keen blue eyes onto Liss. “So, how are things going?”

  “Well, my car is starting almost every time, so that’s nice.”

  “I meant with Connor. With the arrangement.”

  Liss narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

  “Yes, you do. You were dancing with Ace, who, may I say, is a pretty hot specimen, and you were holding on to him like he was a toad.”

  Liss gasped. “I was not. I was dancing with him like he was an attractive man.”

  “And you kept looking at Connor.”

  Liss sputtered, her protest stumbling on her lips. And in the end she decided against voicing it at all. “Okay, so I’m not attracted to Ace. I’m not going to pretend. But nothing is happening with me and Connor. Nothing ever will. There is history wrapped in issues between us, not to mention the fact that we’re basically siblings.”

  Sadie held her hands up in mock surrender. “All right, all right. No need to get touchy.”

  Liss sneaked a peek at Sadie. “You believe me, right?”

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t believe you. I think you want to jump his bones. But I won’t push you.”

  “Even if I wanted to, I can’t.” Just saying the words made her feel desolate. She hated that.

  “Why not?”

  “Friendship. Nearly two decades of it. Plus, the baggage. The fact that his late wife was one of my best friends.” Liss looked down, her heart beating heavily. “I know you didn’t really know Jessie, but she was wonderful.”

  “She’s also not here anymore,” Sadie said. “And he is. And you are.”

  “I... It’s not that simple.”

  “I didn’t say it would be simple. I just said you wanted it.”

  She should deny it. She really should. But she felt as though any denial would be feeble, and epically transparent. “I really want simple. Mainly, I would like to not lose the good things I have.”

  “What if you added better things?”

  “I think this is when I ask when Eli is going to propose to you,” Liss said.

  Sadie arched a brow. “Nice. He’s probably waiting until he’s sure I won’t skitter off. I’m a proven flight risk.”

  “Somehow, I don’t think you are anymore.”

  Sadie smiled, a happiness in her eyes that Liss craved with an intensity that shocked her. “No, not anymore. He’s got me for good. And he didn’t even have to handcuff me to anything.”

  “True love.”

  “Yeah, it is. And in my experience, it was worth facing down a little bit of fear.”

  Liss cleared her throat. “Well, I will keep that in mind should it ever become relevant.”

  “Someday we’ll talk about your denial,” Sadie said.

  “You didn’t get your therapist license renewed, did you?”

  Sadie just smiled and walked over to the table with all of the pie. Liss stayed in her spot, watching as the walls of the barn went up.

  By the end of the evening, everyone was exhausted, but the frame and the roof were intact. Looking at it now, as all of the people in town started to dissipate, as the laughter faded, Liss felt her throat tighten. It was such an amazing thing, their town. The community that was here. The way they all supported each other. The way they were here for Connor, the way Connor had been here for her. Given her a place to stay when she needed him.

  It was something that ran so much deeper than attraction. Something she prized more than anything else.

  It was loyalty—unbreakable, unconditional and deep. It was something she’d never had with the father she didn’t know. Something she hadn’t had with her mother, who was content to take until Liss had nothing more to give.

  It was real. And, Liss decided, standing there in the fading light, looking at the barn, not worth risking for anything.

  * * *

  IT HAD TO be close to midnight. Everyone had gone home hours ago. But not Connor.

  He couldn’t sleep. And he didn’t want to drink. Not after he’d gone so many nights without doing it. But he was pissed, and his brain was going double time. Energy was pouring through his veins, making it impossible for him to sit still.

  So he was in the barn, hammering siding up himself, in the light of the big yellow work lamp he always used for this kind of project. Sweat was
rolling down his chest, in spite of the fact that the dark air was cold.

  He put another board in place and started to hammer the nail. He should be using a nail gun. But he wanted to pound on something. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get the barn up, or if he was trying to knock it down. Wasn’t sure if he was happy about it, or if he hated it.

  When the original barn had been built, it had been with a view to the future. It had been his dream, and Jessie’s dream. This was something different. Something he wasn’t sure he was ready to have.

  This restlessness had been eating at him since they first started preparing the site for the raising today. And it had only gotten worse over the course of the day.

  Then Ace Thompson had put his fucking hands on Liss. Sure, it was just dancing. She probably hadn’t even gone home with him. Probably. He didn’t know, because he hadn’t gone back to the house. He didn’t want to know.

  He didn’t want to be upset about it, either. But he was.

  Seeing as he had recently decided that he wanted to put his hands on Liss. No, decided was a terrible word for it. He hadn’t decided anything. His dick had made that decision. And it was a terrible decision. He knew it. But it didn’t stop him from hating the man who had perfect freedom to touch her.

  Because Connor couldn’t. For so many reasons. So many damn reasons.

  All perfectly valid.

  Because she was his best friend. Because he hadn’t felt this way until she’d moved in. Because he was pretty sure he felt this way only because of the close proximity. And because of the fact that he hadn’t had sex in three years.

  And those were all terrible reasons to screw up the best relationship you had.

  So he was out here hammering nails. Because he couldn’t get hammered, and he couldn’t nail Liss.

  If he hadn’t been in such a crappy mood, he would’ve laughed at his own joke.

  He kept on hammering the nail long past when it had been driven into the wood. But he wasn’t even thinking now, wasn’t even trying to be productive. He was just trying to burn off the feelings that were crawling around inside him, like living things that needed to be choked out with movement.