The Couple who Fooled the World Page 10

He pushed off from the balcony and turned to face her, his expression anything but blank now, dark eyes blazing with fire. “Careful, cara mia.”

  “Forgive me, if I don’t find it a little insulting that you, Ferro Calvaresi, who everyone knows seduced rich older women for their money and status, finds sleeping with me to be distasteful.”

  He reached out and grabbed her arm, pulled her back up against him. For the first time, she saw him without any civility. The mask dropped completely. There was no more charm. No more easy smile. No more laughing, mocking playboy. This was the man from the street. The man who had put aside every ounce of morality in order to survive.

  He said nothing, he only looked at her. Then he extended his hand and touched her cheekbone, traced a line down to her chin, his eyes never leaving hers. “So you want to talk about my past, do you? You think you understand it because you read a book? Did the details excite you? Stories of my exploits with past lovers? Did you like the part where they said I took a married woman back into the coatroom and had her against a wall while her husband was in the ballroom searching for her? That was my favorite.”

  She shook her head, the sense she’d gone too far making her freeze inside. “Ferro…I don’t…”

  “But you don’t know the details of it. That makes for a hell of a salacious story. A young stud that women find irresistible. A rogue with no conscience who got gifts based on sexual skill. But that’s sanitized, Julia. The clean version.”

  “It can’t be…”

  “Yes. It can be. I assume you know what a whore is.” She blinked, her chest suddenly tight. “Yes.”

  “I was hardly the cheerful seducer of lonely women I’m made out to be. I was paid to be there. In their beds. In the coat closet. I was a whore, Julia. Paid for sex. I sold my body to the highest bidder and I did whatever was asked of me, whether I wanted to or not.”

  “I can’t…You couldn’t have been. That’s not…”

  “You think I’m exaggerating, don’t you?” he asked. “I’m not. I was taken from the streets at sixteen by a woman named Claudia. She was wealthy, older. Looking for a little bit of fun. It had been four days since I’d eaten. I was looking for work but I could hardly stand. The first thing she did was buy me a meal. And after that…how could I say no to whatever she asked? I was starving for food, for touch, for a bed that wasn’t dirt, so I went and I took her money gladly. But I was her pet, Julia. I learned to obey her every command, to be her fantasy lover. But that was never all she had in mind. She wanted to make money off me, too. And she had contacts, other women, women she knew would be willing to pay to have a young man in their bed who did everything they demanded. She taught me English. She taught me to dance. She taught me about art and culture and everything I would need to know to be a pleasing companion. Trained. Like an animal.”

  Julia swallowed, her stomach tight, sick.

  “You want me to stop, don’t you?” he asked.

  She nodded. She did. She didn’t want to know. Because until a moment ago he’d been a fantasy. And now it was far too real. Just hearing about it made her feel like she was covered in dirt. How must he feel?

  “It’s too bad, you baited me, now deal with the consequences. You want to talk about my past then you need to know what it really was. I took money for sex. I did whatever my lovers asked me to do and I did it well. I also listened when they talked. The wives of rich men know a lot about money. About investments. I figured out how to make the money I earned grow. It’s hard to leave a lifestyle like that. Where you make hundreds of dollars for an hour’s…work. But eventually it became clear to me that the cost was too high, and I don’t exchange myself anymore. I am not for sale. I am not your pet you can make demands of. I am a man, and I have demands of my own.”

  She nodded slowly and backed away from him, breaking his hold on her. She turned and walked back into the ballroom, keeping her head down while she walked through the knot of people.

  Her stomach felt like it had a brick in it. Her entire body shaking. How easy it had been to use the idea of his past to judge him. To make herself feel superior to him in some way. How easy it had been to use it against him. To make light of it.

  Now she felt like she was being torn apart from the inside out. Felt like she’d been forced to look in on what he’d been through, with nothing to shield her from it.

  Ferro was a proud man. And he’d had his pride stripped from him during that part of his life.

  Had been forced to belong to other people.

  It hurt her he’d been through it. And her vision of him changed. Not the worldly playboy, but the victimized boy. Sixteen and in desperate need of so many things. Of guidance and love, and shelter. And he’d been offered an empty version of those things and had latched onto them. But she saw him now, for what he was.

  She’d imagined him as the smooth, suave womanizer. As the man who took gifts with a wink and left his lover sated and satisfied. She hadn’t realized…she’d never imagined that he’d sold himself. His body.

  And yes, it disturbed her. But it also made her feel some sort of a strange connection with him. Because she’d had a taste of how dehumanizing, how frightening and horrifying it was to have someone try to take possession of your body when you didn’t want it.

  Only he’d done it over and over again. Submitted to it. For survival. It made her ache.

  It made her feel too exposed.

  But he didn’t want her anyway. And now she didn’t blame him. She’d insulted him past the point of reason. She’d treated him like a whore and, now, knowing his past, she knew he had every right to hate her for it.

  She pushed the button for the elevator, about nine times more than she needed to, then stepped in and leaned her head back against the wall, letting it carry her up to her floor. Maybe she should quietly get another room. Put some distance between them.

  But she couldn’t do that because if they got caught sleeping separately then the news of a split might come bite them in the butt and that was not what they needed before pitching to Barrows.

  She was trapped. Still trapped in this hell of their own making.

  She stepped off the elevator and stalked down the hall, sliding her card through the reader. It didn’t go. “Argh!” She slid it again, and was met with a red light. “Oh, you stupid, stupid, stupid thing!” She slid it again. And again. And kicked the door. Then she forked her fingers through her hair and turned around, leaning against the wall, fighting against tears. Against overwhelming misery.

  The elevator next to the one she’d just arrived in, opened and Ferro stormed out. He strode toward her, dark eyes locked with hers. He tugged at the knot of his tie and jerked it off his neck, letting it fall to the floor.

  He stopped right in front of her, his hand braced on the wall behind her. He leaned in, his lips a whisper from hers. “Don’t walk away from me.”

  “Or what?” she asked.

  He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him. He lowered his hand from the wall and traced the outline of her lips with his thumb.

  “You know my secrets now,” he said.

  She nodded slowly. “You broke your rule. Don’t confirm or deny.”

  “I did. I am also breaking another rule.”

  “What’s that?” she asked, her voice breathless this time for real.

  “I want,” he said. “I don’t let myself want.”

  “You don’t let yourself want…sex?”

  “No. I have never had a lover, Julia, does that shock you?”

  “But…but you said…I don’t understand.”

  “I’ve had sex but I’ve never had a lover. I’ve had clients, not lovers. I have never been with a woman of my choosing, and whatever I have done in a bedroom has been controlled by the other person. I have learned, in those situations, to be nothing more than a body. I detached, as completely as possible, found a fantasy in my mind that allowed me to function and…that’s it. I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to f
eel. It’s wasn’t my body then. I didn’t live in it.”

  “They all told you what to do?”

  He shook his head. “I am an expert at reading people. I know what they want. What they need.” He lowered his head for a moment. “I don’t know what I want. I have never asked myself the question.”

  “And…and now?”

  “I want you,” he said, raising his gaze, his eyes locking with hers. “On my terms. If you want an arrangement, I’ll give you one. You, in my bed until the deal is finalized at Barrows. In the end, when we part ways, perhaps if it is agreeable to you, you could take a slightly larger share of the product.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m not letting you buy me. If you want me…if you want me, then maybe. But I want to be more than a convenience. More than just someone you thought you could get easily because of our situation. I don’t want to be someone you feel…entitled to.” It was the one thing she couldn’t deal with. That he would feel like he owned her, this moment, for some reason.

  “My confession has given you second thoughts?” He released his hold on her.

  She bit her lip. “I could say no, but it would be a lie.”

  “Come inside.” He pulled a card out of his pocket and slid it through the reader. It, of course, turned green and released the lock on the first try.

  She followed him into the room. Her heart pounding hard, her legs shaking. Because she didn’t know what he would get her to agree to. Her body ached. It wanted, regardless of what her mind thought.

  He unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, then his sleeves, and turned to face her. It was dark in the room, except for one lamp by the bed, casting everything in a strange, dim glow that made it all seem unreal.

  “If you decide you want me, then there would be rules.”

  “What rules?”

  “You will learn to please me. You will learn what I want. And you will give it me. Your primary goal will be my pleasure. I have never had a lover, Julia, and now that I have decided to take one, it will be on my terms.”

  “And what about my pleasure?” she asked, privately thinking that no matter what he did, it would pleasure her.

  She should be running the other way. This was so many leagues beyond her. A man like him, well-versed in sex, but with no idea how to please himself.

  She didn’t know how to please him, either. And she was a mass of total confusion. On the one hand, she was attracted to him. And that was probably clouding her judgment big time. But mixed with that was the desire to heal him. To give to him where all anyone else had done was take.

  Because she understood. How desperately lonely it was when people only used you. And for him, so much worse. A lifetime spent alone on the street. Alone in bed with strangers. Alone at the top of his success.

  She also understood how important it was to choose your lover. Part of her was relieved it was happening like this. Not in the heat of the moment, but with a pause for discussion. With a definitive answer from both sides. It made her feel powerful. Made her feel in control. She imagined Ferro felt the same, and shouldn’t it be that way? Shouldn’t both parties want it?

  Maybe they could help each other feel less alone. If only for a little bit.

  Added to that, being told what to do could only be a help to her. She was after experience, after all. After a little training. And it helped make her not feel quite so afraid of doing the wrong thing. If she was following orders, she couldn’t mess it up.

  It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him she’d never had a lover, either. But then she didn’t. There wasn’t enough room for both of their baggage. And she had a feeling that he was on the verge of sending her away. Of retreating into his rules, behind his walls of control.

  “And what will you want from a lover?” she asked.

  He began to pace, his hands clasped behind his back, his movements smooth and sleek, dangerous like a predatory cat. “Do you want to know? I will not smooth the truth for you. If you want this, you are agreeing to take me. All of me. As I am.”

  “Tell me first. Then I’ll decide.”

  “I think my lover’s pleasure is important to me,” he said. “You are in luck there. I’ve no interest in taking without giving back.”

  As had been done to him. She finished the sentence in her head.

  “I will expect you to learn what I like. To learn to give it without asking. You will follow my instructions.”

  “And if I don’t want to do something you ask of me?” she asked.

  He stopped walking, his eyes meeting hers. “My lover’s pleasure is important to me,” he said. “Always remember that.”

  It was on the tip of her tongue. To tell him she understood why this was important to him. to tell him she was a virgin. To tell him why. But she didn’t.

  Because she didn’t want him to know, not now. She didn’t want to feel vulnerable. She didn’t want to feel disadvantaged. She looked up at Ferro, her eyes locking with his, and she knew, that with him she wouldn’t feel that way.

  He looked like a man possessed of a desire, a man held just as captive by this thing between them as she was. A man who was held by her power. By his need for her.

  “If I say no?”

  “Then nothing happens. After the position I was put in in life, I would never want a lover who didn’t want me. Desire me to the point of distraction. As I desired her.”

  And in that moment she felt strong. For the first time, just being her, having a man look at her, made her feel strong. It made her feel like she could give him this, give him the control, and that he would only reward her for it.

  One thing was certain, physically, Ferro would never hurt her. And emotionally…he was her enemy. There was no chance at an emotional entanglement.

  Perfect.

  Her choice was made. For tonight, whatever he asked, her answer would be yes.

  She sucked in a breath, her heart pounding, her stomach sick. “I agree to your terms.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  FERRO CURLED HIS hands into fists to disguise the trembling in his fingers. His desire for Julia was raging out of control, far surpassing anything he’d ever felt before.

  He’d confessed all to her. The unvarnished truth of his life. Still she said yes. Still she wanted him.

  He found that the wanting was important. He knew that he wanted her, craved her like he couldn’t remember craving anything in life beyond the essentials. Food, water, heat. And now Julia.

  “Tell me,” he said, the words rough, “that you want me.”

  She looked away, her cheeks turning pink. “I told you already,” she said.

  “You’re already failing your directive. I asked you to do what I said. Tell me you want me.”

  She met his gaze. “I want you.”

  Touching her would be like touching fire. Just the thought made him warm.

  He closed the distance between them and pulled her to him, his lips hovering over hers. “I will kiss you now,” he said. “And this is not about restraint. Or seduction. Or control. This is for me. This is not for you, or for anyone else. It’s not for any other reason than that you are a woman, and I am a man, and I want you like I have never wanted anyone or anything in my entire life.”

  The admission was shaky, frayed, and he didn’t care. His control could burn in hell. And he would follow. Surely for this, he would follow.

  He looked at her mouth, pink and lush, soft. Feminine perfection. He had stopped looking at the women he’d been with at a certain point. Had stopped truly looking at them. He saw past them whenever he could.

  But he didn’t want to see past Julia. If he was going to do this, he would embrace it utterly, as utterly as he’d embraced his control. He would let go of it with just as much purpose.

  He leaned in, tracing the line of those gorgeous, rose-colored lips with his tongue. Tasting her, savoring her. She shivered beneath his touch, her bottom lip trembling, the artless show of arousal pushing his up higher.

  How long
had it been since he’d wanted without shame? So long.

  He didn’t have to hide behind a fantasy to maintain his arousal. Didn’t have to pretend he was in control, with a woman he wanted, somewhere he wanted to be.

  He was the richest man in the world. He was just where he wanted to be, with the woman he wanted. He would savor each taste of her, every glimpse of her skin. The feel of her softness beneath his hands.

  He deepened the kiss, delving into the recesses of her mouth, drowning in her. And she returned it. Enthusiastically. Passionately.

  He had a hundred fantasies. Locked away inside himself, his defense against the invasion of his body. The invasion of his soul.

  They hadn’t protected him completely, but they had given him a place to go.

  The only question was, which one would he live out tonight, with her.

  He bit her lip, testing her. Seeing what she would call a stop to. What she would enjoy. The slight bite only earned him a whimper, one of desire, not pain.

  “You like that?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Good.” He stepped away from her, took one last look at her in the dress. “Take that off. Slowly.”

  Her cheeks darkened, but she obeyed, reaching around behind herself. Her dress loosened, the top falling to her waist. She was wearing a black bra, plain and sexy, her breasts spilling over the low cups, so pale against the dark fabric.

  “All the way,” he said.

  She tugged at the fabric around her hips and the dress fell away, a dark, shimmering pool at her feet. Then she stepped out of it, leaving her in nothing more than the bra, a very small pair of matching panties and her spiky shoes.

  They made her legs look endless. He wanted them wrapped around his back. Yes, that would have to happen. A definite fantasy.

  She didn’t make a move to him. She just stood there, her body on display for him, awaiting her next order.

  He moved to her, put his hand on her cheek. “You are so much better than beautiful.”

  “What does that mean?” she asked, her voice shaking.

  “You are beautiful, but there is something in you. Something that shines from inside. That is what makes me want to lose control with you. Because I want to touch the light. I want to feel warm. You will make me feel warm.”