Want Me, Cowboy Read online

  “I never said that’s what I wanted.”

  “It is what you wanted. You wanted being with me to look like being with someone else. And you know what? If you weren’t pregnant, I might’ve been able to let you walk away. But it’s too late now. This is happening. The wedding is not off.”

  “The wedding is off,” she insisted.

  “Look at me,” he said, his voice low, fierce. “Look at me and tell me if you think I was joking about taking custody.”

  Her eyes widened, her lips going slack. “I’ve always cared about you,” she said, her voice shaking. “I’ve always tried to understand you. But I think maybe I was just pretending there was a heart in your chest when there never was.”

  “You can fling all the insults you want at me. If I’m really heartless, I don’t see how you think that’s going to make a difference.”

  Then she let out a frustrated cry and turned and fled the room, leaving him standing there feeling hollowed out.

  Wishing that he was exactly what she had accused him of being.

  But if he were heartless, then her words—her rejection—wouldn’t feel like a knife through his chest.

  If he were a robot, he wouldn’t care that he couldn’t find a way to order his feelings exactly to her liking.

  But he did care.

  He just had no idea what to do about it.

  Ten

  Ultimately, it wasn’t Isaiah’s threats that had her agreeing to his proposal.

  It was what he’d said about family.

  She was angry that it had gotten inside her head. That it had wormed its way into her heart.

  No. Angry was an understatement.

  She was livid.

  She was also doing exactly what he had asked her to do.

  The date for their wedding was now Christmas Eve. Of all the ridiculous things. Though, she supposed that would give her a much stronger association with the holiday than she’d had before.

  His family was thrilled.

  Poppy was not.

  And she was still sleeping in her own room.

  After that lapse when she had tried to break things off with him a week earlier, she had decided that she really, really needed Isaiah not to touch her for a while.

  For his part, he was seething around the house with an intensity that she could feel.

  But he hadn’t tried to change her mind.

  Which was good. Because the fact of the matter was he would be able to change her mind. With very little effort.

  And besides the tension at home, she was involved in things that made her break out in hives.

  Literally.

  She had been itchy for three days. The stress of trying to plan a wedding that felt like a death march was starting to get to her.

  The fact that she was going wedding-dress shopping with Isaiah’s mother and sister was only making matters worse.

  And yet, here she was, at Something New, the little bridal boutique in Gold Valley, awaiting the arrival of Nancy and Faith.

  The little town was even more heavily decorated for the holidays than Copper Ridge. The red brick buildings were lined with lights, wreaths with crimson bows on every door.

  She had opted to drive her own car because she had a feeling she was going to need the distance.

  She sighed heavily as she walked into the store, the bell above the door signaling her arrival. A bright, pretty young woman behind the counter perked up.

  “Hi,” she said. “I’m Celia.”

  “Hi,” Poppy said uncomfortably. “I have an appointment to try on dresses.”

  “You must be Poppy,” she said.

  “I am,” Poppy said, looking down at her hands. At the ring that shone brightly against her dark skin. “I’m getting married.”

  “Congratulations,” Celia said, as though the inane announcement wasn’t that inane at all.

  “I’m just waiting for...” The words died on her lips. Her future mother-in-law and sister-in-law. That was who she was waiting for.

  Isaiah’s family really would be her family. She knew that. It was why she’d said yes to this wedding. And somehow it hadn’t fully sunk in yet. She wondered if it ever would.

  The door opened a few moments later and Faith and Nancy came in, both grinning widely.

  “I’m so excited,” Faith said.

  Poppy shot her an incredulous look that she hoped Nancy would miss. Faith of all people should not be that excited. She knew Isaiah was only marrying Poppy because of the ad.

  Of course, no one knew that Isaiah was also marrying her because she was pregnant.

  “So exciting,” Poppy echoed, aware that it sounded hollow and lacking in excitement. She was a great assistant, but she was a lousy actress.

  Celia ushered them through endless aisles of dresses and gave them instructions on how to choose preferred styles.

  “When you’re ready,” Celia said, “just turn the dresses out and leave them on the rack. I’ll bring them to you in the dressing room.”

  Poppy wandered through her size, idly touching a few of the dresses, but not committing to anything. Meanwhile, Faith and Nancy were selecting styles left and right.

  She saw one that caught her eye. It looked as though it was off the shoulder with long sleeves that came to a point over the top of her hand and loops that would go over her middle finger. It was understated, sedate. Very Grace Kelly, which was right in Poppy’s wheelhouse. The heavy, white satin was unadorned, with a deep sheen to it that looked expensive.

  She glanced at the price tag. Incredibly expensive.

  It was somewhat surprising that there was such an upscale shop in the small community of Gold Valley, but then the place had become something of a destination for brides who wanted to make a day of dress shopping, and the cute atmosphere of the little gold rush town, with its good food and unique shops, made for an ideal girls’ day out.

  “Don’t worry about that,” Nancy said.

  “I can’t not worry about it,” Poppy said, looking back at the price.

  “Isaiah is going to pay for all of it,” Nancy said. “And he made sure I was here to reinforce that.”

  “I know it’s silly to be worked up about it,” Poppy said. “Considering he signs my paychecks. But the thing is...I don’t necessarily want to just take everything from him. I don’t want him to think that...”

  “That you’re marrying him for his money?” Faith asked.

  “Kind of,” Poppy said.

  “He isn’t going to think that,” Nancy said with authority. “He knows you.”

  “Yes,” Poppy said slowly. “I just...” She looked at them both helplessly. “He’s not in love with me,” she said. Faith knew, and there was no reason that Poppy’s future mother-in-law shouldn’t know too. She’d thought she wanted to keep it a secret, but she couldn’t bear it anymore, not with the woman she was accepting as family.

  “I love him,” Poppy said. “I want to make that clear. I love him, and I told him not to let on that this was...a convenient marriage. For my pride. But I can’t lie to you.” She directed that part to his mother. “I can’t lie to you and have you think that I reached him or changed him in a way that I haven’t. He still thinks this marriage is the height of practicality. And he’s happy to throw money at it like he’s happy to throw money at any of his problems. He’s not paying for this wedding because he cares what I look like in the wedding dress.”

  She swallowed hard. “He’s paying for it because he thinks that making me his wife is going to somehow magically simplify his life.”

  Nancy frowned. “You love him.”

  “I do.”

  “You’ve loved him for a long time, haven’t you?”

  Poppy looked down. She could see Faith shift uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye.

 
“Yes,” Poppy confirmed. “I’ve loved him ever since I met him. He’s a wonderful person. I can see underneath all of the... Isaiah. Or maybe that’s not the right way of putting it. I don’t even have to see under it. I love who he is. And that...not everybody can see just how wonderful he is. It makes it like a secret. My secret.”

  “I’m not upset with you,” Nancy said, taking hold of the wedding dress Poppy was looking at and turning it outward. “I’m not upset with you at all. You love him, and he came barreling at you with all of the intensity that he has, I imagine, and demanded that you marry him because he decided it was logical, am I right?”

  “Very.”

  “I don’t see what woman in your position could have resisted.”

  If only his mother knew just how little Poppy had resisted. Just how much she wasn’t resisting him...

  “I should have told him no.”

  “Does he know that you love him?” Faith asked.

  “No,” Poppy said.

  And she knew she didn’t have to tell either of them to keep it a secret. Because they just would.

  “Maybe you should tell him,” Faith pointed out.

  Poppy bit back a smart remark about the fact that Faith was single, and had been for as long as Poppy had known her, and Faith maybe didn’t have any clue about dealing with unrequited love.

  “Love isn’t important to him,” Poppy said. “He likes me. He thinks that’s enough.”

  Nancy shook her head. “I hope he more than likes you. Otherwise that’s going to be a cold marriage bed.”

  Faith made a squeaking sound. “Mom. Please.”

  “What? Marriage is long, sweetheart. And sometimes you get distant. Sometimes you get irritated with each other. In those times all you’ve got is the spark.”

  Faith slightly receded into one of the dress racks. “Please don’t tell me any more about your spark.”

  “You should be grateful we have it,” Nancy said pointedly at her daughter. “It’s what I want for you in your marriage, whenever you get married. And it’s certainly what I want for Poppy and Isaiah.”

  Poppy felt her skin flushing. “We’re covered there.”

  “Well, that is a relief.”

  She wasn’t going to tell them about the baby. Not now. She was just going to try on wedding dresses.

  Which was what they did.

  For the next two hours, Poppy tried on wedding dresses. And it all came down to The One. The long-sleeved beauty with the scary price tag and the perfect train that fanned out behind her like a dream.

  Celia found a veil and pinned it into Poppy’s dark hair. It was long, extending past the train with a little row of rhinestones along the edge, adding a hint of mist and glitter.

  She looked at herself in the mirror, and she found herself completely overwhelmed with emotion.

  She was glowing.

  There, underneath the lights in the boutique, the white dress contrasted perfectly with her skin tone. She looked like a princess. She felt like one.

  And she had...

  She looked behind her and saw Nancy and Faith, their eyes full of tears, their hands clasped in front of them.

  She had a family who cared about this. Who was here watching her try on dresses.

  Who cared for her. For her happiness.

  Maybe Isaiah didn’t love her, but she loved him. And... His mother and sister loved her. And that offered Poppy more than she had ever imagined she might have.

  It was enough. It would be.

  Nancy came up behind Poppy and put a hand on Poppy’s shoulder. “This is the one. Let him buy it for you. Believe me, he’ll cause enough trouble over the course of a lifetime with him that you won’t feel bad about spending his money this way.”

  Poppy laughed, then wiped at a tear that fell down her cheek. “I suppose that’s true.”

  “I’m going to try to keep from hammering advice at you,” Nancy said. “But I do have to say this. Love is an amazing thing. It’s an inexhaustible resource. I’ve been married a long time. And over the course of that many decades with someone, there are a lot of stages. Ebbs and flows. But if you keep on giving love, as much as you have, you won’t run out. Give it even when it’s not flowing to you. Give it when you don’t feel like it. If you can do that... That’s the best use of love that I can think of. It doesn’t mean it’s always easy. But it’s something you won’t regret. Love is a gift. When you have it, choosing to give it is the most powerful thing you can do.”

  Poppy looked back at her reflection. She was going to be a bride. And more than that, she was going to be Isaiah’s wife. He had very clear ideas about what he wanted and didn’t want from that relationship. He had very definite thoughts on what he felt and didn’t feel.

  She had to make a decision about that. About what she was going to let it mean to her.

  The problem was, she had spent a lot of years wanting love. Needing love. From parents who were unable to give it for whatever reason. Because they were either too captivated by drugs, or too lost in the struggle of life. She had decided, after that kind of childhood, after the long years of being shuffled between foster homes, that she didn’t want to expose herself to that kind of pain again.

  Which was exactly what Isaiah was doing.

  He was holding himself back. Holding his love back because he’d been hurt before. And somehow...somehow she’d judged that. As if she was different. As if she was well-adjusted and he was wrong.

  But that wasn’t true.

  It was a perfect circle of self-protection. One that was the reason why she had nearly broken the engagement off a week ago. Why she was holding herself back from him now.

  And they would never stop.

  Not until one of them took a step outside that self-created box.

  She could blame her parents. She could blame the handful of foster families who hadn’t been able to care for her the way she had needed them to. She could blame the ones who had. The ones she had loved deeply, but whom she had ultimately had to leave, which had caused its own kind of pain.

  She could blame the fact that Isaiah had been unavailable to her for all those years. That he had belonged to Rosalind, and somehow that had put him off-limits.

  But blame didn’t matter. The reasons didn’t really matter.

  The only thing that mattered was whether or not she was going to change her life.

  No one could do it for her.

  And if she waited for Isaiah to be the first to take that step, then she would wait forever.

  His mother was right. Love was a gift, and you could either hoard it, keep it close to your chest where it wouldn’t do a thing for anyone, or you could give it.

  Giving her love was the only thing that could possibly open up that door between them. If she wanted him to love her, wanted him to find the faith to love her, she’d have to be the first one to stop protecting herself.

  Poppy would have to open up her arms. Stop holding them in front of her, defensive and closed off.

  Which was the real problem. Really, it had been all along.

  That deeply rooted feeling of unrequited love that she’d had for Isaiah had been incredibly important to her. It had kept her safe. It had kept her from going after anyone else. It had kept her insulated.

  But she couldn’t continue that now.

  Not if she wanted a hope at happiness. Not if she wanted even the smallest chance of a relationship with him.

  Someone was going to have to budge first. And she could be bitter about the fact that it had to be her, but there was no point to that.

  It was simple.

  This wasn’t about right or wrong or who should have to give more or less. Who should have to be brave.

  She could see that she should.

  And if she loved him... Well. She had to care more for him and less
for her own comfort.

  “I think I might need to give a little bit more love,” Poppy said softly.

  “If my son doesn’t give back to you everything that you deserve, Poppy, you had better believe that I will scar him myself.”

  “I do believe it,” Poppy said.

  And if nothing else, what she had learned in that moment was invaluable.

  Somebody was in her corner.

  And not only had she heard Nancy say it, Poppy believed it. She couldn’t remember the last time that had been true.

  This was family.

  It was so much better than she had ever imagined it could be.

  Eleven

  It was late, and Isaiah was working in his home office. His eyes were starting to get gritty, but he wasn’t going to his room until he was ready to pass out. It was the only way he could get any sleep at all these days.

  Lying in bed knowing she was just down the hall and he couldn’t have her was torture. Distance and exhaustion were the only things he could do to combat the restlessness.

  He looked up, catching his reflection in the window, along with the reflection of the lamp on his desk.

  It was dark out. So dark he couldn’t see anything. But he knew the view well. The mountains and hills that were outside that window. A view he had carefully curated after growing tired of the gray landscape of Seattle.

  Poppy had been out shopping all day, and he hadn’t seen her since she’d left that morning. But he had been thinking about her.

  It was strange. The way his feelings for her were affected. A borderline obsession with a woman who should feel commonplace to him in many ways. She had been a part of his office furniture for the past decade.

  Except, she’d always been more than that.

  Yes. That was true. She always had been.

  She was remarkable, smart and funny. Funny in a way he could never really manage to be. More than once, he had wished he could capture that sweetness and hold it to himself just for a little while.

  Not that she was saccharine. No. She had no issues taking strips off his hide when it was necessary.