Christmastime Cowboy Page 11

  She took a deep breath, tried to regain her composure and cleared her throat. They went a few more rounds. Olivia predictably beat everyone then demanded nothing more than another Diet Coke. Sabrina declined to have another drink, and instead, excused herself.

  She expressed happiness over having met Kaylee, waved fondly at the Donnellys and scooted herself out the bar door. She breathed in deeply, the cold salt and sea air burning her lungs. But her relief was short-lived. She heard the door open and close behind her and she knew exactly who it was.

  She paused, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension in her chest. Then she turned around. “Your brothers are still here,” she commented.

  “Yes, they are.”

  “Come to think of it, so is Kaylee, and I bet she would like a little bit of dart coaching.”

  “She doesn’t need dart coaching. And anyway, she wouldn’t want it from me.”

  “But, she’s not going to get it from the person she wants it from. So...”

  “Doesn’t work like that, Sabrina. At least, not for some people.”

  “Does it work that way for you?”

  Liam took a step toward her, the harsh, pale blue streetlamp above illuminating his hair, backlighting him, showing off that broad, muscular frame. Mist hung in the air, not quite fog, not quite rain. It swirled around them, damp little crystals dancing in the light.

  She might have thought it was pretty if she didn’t feel so restless. So edgy.

  “No,” he said, his voice rough. “I mean, it used to. When I was younger. But I came back to town, and I saw you in the bar. Even if it was only for a minute. After that...”

  “What does that mean?” She was tired. Tired of guessing. When it came to her own motivation she was guessing at this point; she really didn’t have the energy to guess at his too.

  “I haven’t been with anyone since I came to town. And that was quite a while ago.”

  “Oh,” Sabrina said. “Oh.”

  She did not want to turn this into a discussion about other partners and things like that. It was a conversation she was not equipped to have.

  Still, she couldn’t deny that she felt somewhat mollified by that bit of news. That Liam hadn’t actually been carving a swath through the female population of Copper Ridge since he had returned.

  “So. Wait,” she said. “You haven’t been with anyone else because you wanted to be with me?”

  “That is what I said.”

  “Kind of. But to be clear. You have been celibate because you wanted me. You couldn’t be with anyone else. Because you wanted me.”

  It was so damned close to the story of her life that it made her want to cry as much as she wanted to laugh.

  He shifted, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It’s a problem.”

  She raised her brows. “I guess so.”

  Of course, she supposed it didn’t have to be a problem. They could... Well. They could.

  Excitement, illicit and intense, twisted low in her stomach. If she wanted to...she could have Liam Donnelly. In her bed. In her body.

  She could have him. There was nothing stopping them now. Not an overdeveloped sense of chivalry on his part, or edicts from her father. Nothing.

  She could hardly breathe. He wanted her. He wanted her, and he was in a state of discomfort over it.

  She held the keys to his celibacy.

  Well, what a twist that was. And it felt a whole lot like compensation. Compensation for her humiliation. For her separation from her father... And for the past thirteen years of lingering virginity.

  Not that she was going to tell him that. Absolutely not.

  “You want me. And it keeps you from wanting anyone else. From having anyone else.”

  He grimaced. “I think we’re a bit of unfinished business.”

  She let out a started laugh. “And who the hell’s fault is that?”

  “Don’t do that. We both agreed that there was no point in me taking what you offered back then.”

  She crossed her arms. “What if I don’t want you now?”

  His expression was dark, shadowed, and she couldn’t read it. He took a step toward her and her heart stuttered. “Well, baby, we both know that’s not the case.”

  “No,” she insisted, “we don’t.”

  “The way you kissed me back in the tasting room...”

  “You kissed me, jackass. You...you held on to my wrists. You held me still.”

  “And you had your tongue in my mouth.”

  “It seemed...polite,” she sputtered. “You put your tongue in mine.”

  “So that was all it was. Courtesy tongue?”

  “Yeah. Courtesy tongue.” This was faintly ridiculous. But she had this one shot. This one little moment of pride. And she just... She just wanted it. He’d bruised it, fatally wounded it all those years ago, and right now she was in an unexpected position of power with him and she couldn’t pass this up.

  “And if I kissed you again?” he asked. “Would I get a little bit more of that courtesy tongue?”

  “Don’t you dare,” she said. She took a step back, taking a deep breath. Wondering what the hell she was doing, and why she couldn’t be consistent, even in her own head. “Don’t kiss me.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because if I kiss you, you’re going to want to have sex with me.” The words felt flat, and stupid, and so did she.

  “Yeah. Probably. But then, I already do.”

  “You can’t just do that. You can’t just come back to town all... More muscular, with more tattoos, being more... More of all the everything that you used to be back then, and demand that I pick up right where I left off.”

  “I can’t?” he asked.

  “No. You can’t. Also, for all you know, I could have a boyfriend.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

  “No,” she snapped. “But that’s beside the point. I could.”

  “But you don’t.”

  “My point is this. Everything has been on your terms. Everything. You let me get close to you back then. Then you were the one who threw me out. You were the one that took money and left. I was just reacting. To everything. Even in the tasting room you kissed me. And now, you think because you’ve declared your celibacy that I’m supposed to flutter and fall over and be thrilled that you finally want me after all this time. But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to... Dammit, Liam, I’m going to make a decision.”

  He spread his arms. “Well, I am all fucking ears.”

  “Later,” she said. “Not now. Patience is a virtue, Liam Donnelly, and you appear to be short on virtues. So maybe this will be good for you.”

  She turned on her heel, with a vehemence that she had no idea she possessed, and headed toward her car, her hands shaking, her breathing unsteady.

  And she called herself about a thousand different kinds of fool because she was walking away from something that she wanted.

  But even though her body felt largely unsatisfied, another part of her felt so good. She had turned him down. Or she had at least put him on hold. She had put him on hold and it was up to her now. Fully up to her.

  That was what she told herself on her drive back to her little cabin that was nestled just outside the Copper Ridge city limits. That was what she told herself as she put on her flannel pajamas and got into her bed. Her very empty bed, which had been empty all this time, because there had only ever been one man she had wanted to share it with.

  And now that he wanted to share it with her, she was keeping him waiting.

  She felt both powerful and idiotic in that moment.

  But maybe that was how this always felt. If she recalled correctly, thirteen years ago she h
ad felt much the same way.

  But this time, it was different. This time, Liam Donnelly wanted her back. She might be burning, but she knew she wasn’t burning alone.

  CHAPTER NINE

  SHE HAD REJECTED HIM. That little minx had rejected him. It was the last thought in his head before he had fallen asleep, and it was the first thing on his mind when he got up the next morning.

  By the time he made his way to the kitchen, his brothers were already set to go outside and start their chores. Finn handed him a cup of coffee and gestured to the front door.

  “Let’s go,” he said.

  He grabbed hold of the coffee and took a quick, fortifying sip. It was easy, apparently, to get out of the habit of going straight to work before the sun was up. Just a few days of running other errands, and he had been dragging. But then, that could also be because he had been kept awake most of the night with thoughts of her.

  He took another sip of coffee and grimaced as the cold, early morning air bit into his face, sinking down through his coat and to his bones. “It is fucking cold,” he said.

  “Really?” Cain asked, shooting him a skeptical glare. “I’m the Texan. I’m the one that should be whining about the bitterness of impending winter and saying folksy things like ‘it’s colder than a witch’s tit out here.’”

  “What does that mean?” Finn asked. “I didn’t know witches were renowned for having particularly cold tits.”

  “They must be. It’s a saying,” Cain said.

  Liam rolled his eyes and continued on with his brothers toward the barn.

  “What’s on the list of chores today?” he asked.

  “The usual,” Finn said. “And then I want to make sure we ride the fence line in the south pasture. Just to be sure everything is good. It’s been really wet out there. Soupy. And I have to be sure that the fence posts aren’t going to fall right the hell over because the ground is so soft.”

  “I’ll do that,” Liam said.

  The opportunity to get out and ride, to clear his head, was a welcome one.

  It was funny, because he had hated working on the ranch when he had been a teenager. Every summer, he and his brothers would come stay with their grandfather and work the land. Mostly, he figured it was to get out of his parents’ hair.

  He hadn’t liked the work. But he had enjoyed the chance to get away from his mother. To get three square meals. Though, by the time he was older, he was getting his own food, and was too big for his mother to do any serious physical damage to.

  He had dealt with most of his starving kid baggage, really. And if he had a little bit of a plate-cleaning compulsion, nobody noticed. They just figured he worked hard, or didn’t like to waste, or something. And all of that was true enough.

  Of course, the real reason was that he had spent so long being not quite sure when his next meal would come, that he had gotten in the mode of never wasting an opportunity to eat as much food as was on offer.

  Still, as surly and messed up as he’d been as a teenager, and as much as he’d bitched about the early mornings and hard work, he had liked being here. Had found solace in it. It was one reason he’d decided coming back here was his best option when he’d hit that dead end in New York.

  As much as he’d hated the work as a punk kid, he relished it now.

  And right about now, he needed a little bit of physical punishment to take his mind off Sabrina. Sabrina and their kiss. Sabrina and her rejecting him last night.

  He still couldn’t believe that.

  “We’ll all do it together,” Finn said. “Mostly because I think you’re looking for a chance to get rid of us.”

  The three of them crossed the large gravel lot, the only sound the rocks beneath their boots as they went into the milking barn to get everything started for the day.

  “I’m not avoiding you,” Liam said, bending down and checking gauges on the milking machine.

  “Right. I really want to know the story about Sabrina,” Cain said.

  “Like I already said, there’s nothing to tell. I knew her once. A long time ago. And now, I know her again.”

  “And you look like you’d want to get to know her a little better, judging by the way you were coaching her with her dart throwing. And she was letting you.”

  “Friends don’t let friends suck that badly at games. Not when they can help.”

  “You’re honestly telling me that you want to be friends with her?” Finn asked.

  “No,” Liam said. “I don’t particularly want to be friends with her. But that’s all that’s happening. I am doing a business deal with her. I have to work with her. She’s hot. But a lot of women are hot.”

  “But you’ve admitted that none of those women are leaping into your bed right now.”

  Liam bit back the truth. Which was that he wasn’t jumping at the chance to have any of them in his bed. He had closed off every near hookup he’d had since coming back to town. He was the one who had shut it down. Because every time it got close he pictured the woman he really wanted. And he just didn’t have the stomach for that kind of game anymore.

  Sabrina Leighton was a ghost. One that he really, really needed to lay to rest. He could think of only one way of doing it. He was certain of it. But she was thinking about it.

  “Very professional,” Finn said. “As you know, both Cain and I are very good with boundaries.”

  “Says the guy who ended up banging his best friend about the other guy who started sleeping with his daughter’s boss?” Liam asked.

  “Hey,” Cain said. “We married them. So clearly, it was worth playing with some boundaries.”

  Liam snorted. “Right.”

  They continued to work in silence after that, and once they were finished, they stepped back out into the cold. “How many cheese varieties do we have now?” Liam asked.

  He was pretty well versed in what was happening with the Laughing Irish products, but Lane experimented with new flavor combinations faster than he could keep up with, and she was continually refining things.

  “Well, with Lane overseeing that, it’s all gotten very artisanal. Cranberry and herb infusions and things like that. Softer cheeses. And some aged ones.”

  “Great. I think we need to work on coming up with some pairings for the wine and the cheese.”

  Finn grimaced. “Yeah, that’s not really my wheelhouse. Mostly, I just eat the cheese. More with beer than with wine.”

  “Your wife must despair of you,” Cain said, smiling.

  Lane’s tastes ran much more toward foodie than her husband’s did. Liam certainly appreciated Lane’s cooking skills, and the fact that her tastes were somewhat refined. It was one of the consequences of his time in larger cities. He had gotten accustomed to good food. But what he had learned was that with the farm-to-table movements being what they were, small towns actually had nicer food on offer than it might seem at first.

  And Liam really liked nice food. He had gone so long in deprivation that he saw no point in denying himself now. Gotten a more active job. Now that he was edging into his midthirties, it was definitely more of an effort to make sure he kept his body the way his casual hookups liked it.

  Not that there were any at the moment.

  “Don’t look at me,” Cain said, “I don’t know the first thing about putting all that together. I just know how to put it in my mouth.”

  “Lane would help,” Finn said, “but she’s currently knocked up, so wine tasting is kind of off the menu. Plus her taste buds are off, according to her.”

  “It’s fine,” Liam said, already starting to formulate an idea. “I’m sure Sabrina will want to be involved anyway.”

  “I’m sure,” Finn said, looking interested.

  “Why do you care?” Liam asked. “It’s not any of your business what h
appens with me and Sabrina.”

  “You’re the only one without somebody,” Cain said. “It is kind of our business.”

  “We have family meetings about this,” Finn said. “Alex comes over. We talk about how sad it is that you’re alone.”

  “While watching chick flicks and talking about which member of the Backstreet Boys is your favorite?”

  “I liked *NSYNC,” Finn said, deadpan.

  “You guys don’t talk about me,” Liam said.

  “We have,” Cain said. “I’m just saying, you’re the only one that’s single.”

  “Because I like to be.”

  “Right,” Finn said. “Frankly, if you were getting laid, I would believe that. But you aren’t.”

  “It’s even weirder that you care about that than that you care about my love life.”

  “I’m going to say something,” Finn said. “And you’re probably going to give me shit about it for the rest of forever. But I want you to be happy, Liam. We spent way too much time coping with the sucky hands that got dealt to us by life. By Dad mostly. And I spent a lot of my life lonely. A lot of my life pushing people away because of all that crap. I just don’t want to see you do it too.”

  “There’s no danger of that. I’m not going to say that I’m not going to hook up with Sabrina, but I’m not in a happily ever after space, and I don’t think I’m going to be. But that doesn’t mean I’m miserable. Not everybody finds rainbows and puppies in a marriage license, Finn. It’s not the only way to be happy.”

  “No,” Finn agreed. “It’s not. It’s certainly not the way to be happy if you’re not in love. Love, I think, can make you pretty happy.”

  “Not on my agenda. Alex and I... Our parents really sucked. And I know that you didn’t have Dad at all, and I would feel sorry for you, but believe me when I say he wasn’t an asset. He didn’t do anything. He didn’t pay any attention to us. He was just the thing our mother obsessed about. When we were the things that trapped her with him. Even we couldn’t make him love her. And she hated us for it.” One of them more than the other, but he wasn’t going to get into that right now. “We were broke a lot of the time, things were hard. So I went out and I made money. Maybe you guys needed to find love to compensate for what you didn’t have. I needed to go get some cash. I did it.”