The Greek's Nine-Month Redemption Page 13

  “I... I can’t imagine what that would mean to you in those circumstances.”

  “I can barely remember. Though it’s something I try to hold on to. So that I never forget what it means to be hungry. When you lose the memory of your hunger...you forget why you need success.”

  She nodded in the darkness. “I know what you mean.” She was hungry, too. Not for food or shelter. But for approval she’d never gotten before.

  “Your father had come to visit us many times. Sometimes a nanny would be sent to care for me and my mother would go away for a weekend. To be with him, though, I had a boy’s understanding. Your father was always good to us. To me. And when he wished to marry my mother, when he spirited us both away to your estate, I thought... I thought we had everything. Suddenly, I gained the world that I had only ever seen glimpses of before.”

  “I remember you arriving. I was awful to you. Because you scared me. You were...the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and I knew I shouldn’t think that about my stepbrother...like that.”

  “I suppose not,” he said. “You were smart to hold me at a distance, Elle.”

  “I don’t know if smart is the word I would use. But it was definitely a defense that worked for a while.”

  He chuckled. “Yes, it did work for a bit.” He paused. “I never asked you... I never asked what it was like to lose your mother like you did. I suppose...your father is as responsible for that as he is for the loss of my father.”

  The thought made her stomach sink. “I know my father isn’t perfect but I have a hard time believing he was so manipulative. But then, I guess maybe I don’t... He’s a man who likes control, and a man who thinks nothing of pitting his children against each other. So why wouldn’t he have always done this, with every person he could? He does it to his own flesh and blood.” She moved closer to him, only a bit. “My mother mostly cared about parties and handbags. Lunches with her friends. She was a trophy wife. Her identity was in who my father was, and I suppose that’s why I wanted so badly to find something else. To succeed at Matte. To make my own achievements. Except...they were my father’s too, really. I was living out my father’s plans in my need to please him, in my need to rebel against my mother. I did miss her,” she continued. “I really did. Even though I was mostly cared for by nannies. She was my mother, and she smelled of Chanel and vanilla shampoo. And I loved her.”

  “Of course you did,” he said. “My father was distant, a workaholic and an addict, and still I loved him.”

  “I was happy to have your mother. Mariam has always been good to me.”

  “But she is not your mother.”

  Elle’s throat tightened. “No. She isn’t.”

  “Nothing can replace what we’ve lost.”

  “I guess in a way both of our parents chose to leave us,” she said. “Though...my mother could have chosen to come back.”

  “Or perhaps not. Perhaps she doesn’t feel like she can. Not now.”

  “Maybe. When it became clear the takeover of the company was...hostile... When it became clear you weren’t helping...my father put me in control of Matte. And I knew why. I knew it was to use me as a shield. But still, I accepted the position. He’s...all I have, really, and I wanted to please him,” she said. “I wanted so badly to be accepted. I just wanted him to be proud of me. And then you came in and bought everything out. I thought maybe if I could hold on to my position he would see that I have deserved it all along. But you fired me.”

  “Had I known your position as CEO was such a contentious one, I might have left you alone.”

  “I don’t know that you would have, Apollo. It isn’t in your nature.”

  “I don’t suppose it is.”

  “I wonder what I would have done,” she said, “if he had not selected for me. If I had not been so determined to prove to him that I could be everything that...that you weren’t for him.”

  “You can try and find out, you know. You don’t have to go back to work as you. You feel trapped there... There is no reason for you to be there.”

  “I feel like my team is counting on me. I poured endless hours into it. So much time and energy.”

  “But you do not have to be there. You are the mother of my child and whatever happens, I will support you financially. You can simply stay home with our child if you prefer. You can go back to school.”

  She laughed. “I feel like it’s too late, really.”

  “I hope it’s never too late to change what you are,” he said. “In part because I have been many things in my life. A child of privilege, a gutter snipe, a charity case, wealthy again... We can always change what we are, as long as we stay on earth to breathe one more time.”

  His words settled heavily on her chest. His father had stopped breathing. And so he had ended his story. “I understand that,” she said.

  “So if you could do anything, what would you do?”

  “I would like to advocate for people who can’t do it for themselves. To use the fact that I enjoy challenging people to accomplish something good. A lawyer. But for children, maybe. For women who have been abused.”

  “That’s a very worthy goal,” he said.

  She shrugged. “It’s a fantasy. Anyway, I feel like I was making so much progress with the brand. Really bringing it into the modern era. I know profits aren’t off the charts, but the books and cosmetics and the other tie-in products have really taken us to a new level. I want the chance to fight for my staff, for my team.”

  “Then that is what you will continue to do,” he said.

  “Why are you doing all this? Saying all this?”

  “The baby,” he said.

  “Of course.”

  Her eyelids felt heavy now. It was on the tip of her tongue to say that it wasn’t really what had brought them together, because he had come back for her before he knew about the child. So she had to wonder what exactly really had. But she was too tired, her brain sluggish, her body even worse.

  They had never had a whole conversation without it ending in them yelling at each other or sex. She was almost entirely certain she had never felt comforted by his presence. But she did now. Just being near him. This man who had walked for so long, to gain everything he had.

  Everything in her possession had been thrust onto her by her father, whether she wanted it or not. And yes, that came with its own burden. But he had been forced to make the choice to succeed. Yes, her father had paid for his schooling, but if he hadn’t taken it seriously, nothing would have come from it.

  Had she truly understood the sort of man Apollo was she would have been more terrified of him the first moment he had walked into her company. He was a man who set his sights on things with terrifying single-mindedness. With a kind of intensity unmatched by anyone else she had ever known. If she had realized when he had reappeared in her life that he wanted revenge and he wouldn’t hesitate to use her, she would have been much more afraid. Would have behaved much differently with him.

  Would you?

  Or perhaps, they would be in the same place. In the same moment, in the same bed. Because as much as she wanted to believe she had a bit more common sense, the fact remained that when she fell for him it had nothing to do with common sense.

  No, nothing at all. It was so much deeper.

  She reached out, resting her palm on his chest, felt his heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

  She had dreamed of this. Of simply holding him. Of listening to him breathe. Of sharing the sweet and simple intimacy that came from being near each other. Of touching just to touch.

  It felt so good. To simply be with him. Not fighting. Not having sex. Just being.

  For the first time in weeks, she felt some peace. She didn’t want to sleep. She wanted to prolong this, for as long as possible. If she could choose one moment to stay in, it would b
e this one.

  But sadly, time moved forward. And as it did, she drifted off to sleep.

  * * *

  When they woke in the morning Apollo was still there. Elle had half expected him to have gone off again, to awaken to him standing angrily at the foot of the bed and demanding that she leave. But that didn’t happen. Instead, he was wrapped around her, his legs laced through hers. He wasn’t wearing any clothes. She was still wearing the dress from last night.

  He was awake, and he was looking at her, a strange expression on his face. “Good morning,” she said, her voice coming out a little bit like a croak.

  “Good morning.”

  “This is a strange morning after,” she said, looking around the room.

  “We didn’t have sex.”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Oh, you mean after...all of that.”

  He let out a long, heavy breath. “Yes, after I behaved so poorly.”

  “Wait a second. Are you, Apollo Savas, actually acknowledging the fact that you behaved poorly?”

  “Please, don’t press the issue, or I will retreat back behind my rock wall of a heart.”

  “Sometimes I think maybe your secret is that you are not as heartless as you appear.” After being convinced of the opposite last night, this was a refreshing feeling.

  “We must all maintain our mysteries, must we not?”

  “Maybe. I don’t think I’m all that mysterious. I think that I reveal myself to you very easily.”

  “If only that were the case. I should like very much for you to be easier for me to read. And yet, I can’t seem to decode you.”

  “Then you aren’t paying attention. The fact that you thought I would crumble at the sight of an engagement ring says that you don’t know me very well.”

  “You never let me.”

  She let his words take root inside her. They were not untrue. She knew that.

  “I know. But after last night you know why. I was afraid. If I had let you touch me at seventeen then we would have been in this position back them. And as poorly as we’re handling it now can you imagine how we would have handled it if we were still that young?”

  “A nightmare,” he said, laughing bitterly. “Yes, it would have been a nightmare.”

  “I was very afraid of you. Of what you made me feel. I’ve always been afraid of you.” He had the power to devastate her. To tear her apart from the inside out. Apollo possessed so much more dominion over her than she wanted him to know about. Than she would like to admit, even to herself. But the fact of the matter was it had always been so.

  “You must not be feeling particularly wonderful, considering you slept in your dress.”

  She scrubbed at her face. “I suppose I do feel a bit day-old.”

  “Stay right here.” He released his hold on her and got out of bed, crossing the large expanse of the room and heading into the bathroom. She could hear the water start running. Her heart began to beat faster. He was doing something for her. Something thoughtful. Something kind. She wasn’t sure how to handle it. So she just lay there, her heart putting a dull, unsteady rhythm in her chest. He returned a moment later, standing in the doorway, naked, and thoroughly unashamed. Of course, he had nothing to be ashamed about. His body was the stuff you could write poetry about.

  But she had never been very good with poetry. She would rather lick his body instead. All over. From head to glorious toe, and every muscular inch in between.

  Last night, and the no touching, had been... There had been something altering in it. The fact that they had been able to lie together and neither scream at each other nor tear each other’s clothes off had been something of a revelation. But that didn’t mean she was ready to give up touching him entirely.

  Bad idea. You don’t even know what kind of relationship the two of you have.

  No, she didn’t. But if she wanted to move it toward a real relationship, it might be best if she maintained a physical connection with him. At least, that was a handy justification for getting what she wanted. Which was to be back in his strong arms once again. To be brought to the peak of pleasure by his talented hands and mouth.

  She shivered.

  “If you are cold, agape, I have a warm bath for you in here.”

  For some reason, his tender words made tears prick the back of her eyes. “Okay,” she said, standing up on wobbly legs and walking toward him. She paused in front of him and he gripped the hem of her dress, pulling it up over her head. He took over after that, dispensing with her underwear quickly. Then he lifted her up into his arms and set her gently in the deep tub. The water was perfection, as though he had somehow been able to reach down inside of her and figure out exactly what her perfect bath might be like. And then—further proof that he might be reading her mind—he got down into the tub with her, positioning himself behind her, having her press her back up against his broad chest.

  “We have not gotten off to the best start. And when I say that, I mean going back more than a decade, we did not have the best start.”

  She nodded, not saying a word. He ran his hands over her damp skin and she shivered, her nipples tightening and hardened to points in spite of the warmth of the water. It had nothing to do with temperature, and everything to do with arousal.

  “But I think things can be better between us. I’m not... I am not angry at you, Elle. I was, I admit that. I was angry at you for making me want you. For creating a desire within me that I could not satisfy. That was... That was wrong of me.”

  “Are you apologizing to me?”

  “Yes,” he said. “I am apologizing to you, because you deserve my apology. I was cruel to you in ways that you did not deserve.”

  “But my father deserved it,” she said, her voice hollow.

  “Your father has nothing to do with this. Right now, he has nothing to do with you and me. We can forget that our parents are married. That I feel a sense of betrayal where your father is concerned. We can forget about all of it. Here, right now, we have to do that. Because if we are ever going to bond with one another, if we are ever going to come together and raise this child then there is history we must erase.”

  “What does that mean? What does it mean for my relationship with my father?”

  He reached out and picked up a bottle of shampoo from the edge of the tub, squirting a little bit into his hands. “I don’t know.” He began to work the lather through her hair, and her heart contracted tightly in on itself. This was what she had wanted, what she had craved all along. This attention. This wonderful, luxurious attention.

  He was focused on her now, wholly and completely. In a way that no one else ever had been. It made her want to cry. She would, if she wasn’t so afraid of showing that weakness in front of him. Strange how even now, while he was being kind to her, she felt like she had to have her guard up. Like something was still missing.

  That made her chest ache. Because she knew it didn’t have to be that way. But she didn’t know what else they could possibly have, either. They had spent so many years being unkind to each other. Those were the seeds they had planted for their connection, for their relationship. He was right. Maybe all that was left to do was start over. Maybe they had to forget their family. Maybe they had to forget their prior connection. Maybe there was nothing else but this. Maybe that was all there could be. Maybe it was the only way.

  She suddenly felt desperate. For him. For his touch, for everything. Suddenly felt like the world would end completely if her mouth wasn’t joined to his.

  She turned slightly in the water, pressing her hand to his cheek and angling her head, kissing him, slowly, deeply. Trying to make it different from the other times they had kissed. She wanted this to be different. She wanted this to be the new beginning. To be the new
start to something that wasn’t toxic. To something that wasn’t so deadly. Wasn’t so dangerous. Maybe it would even be less all-consuming. Maybe it could be something easier. Something freer.

  Maybe it would never be a normal relationship, but if he didn’t want to use her, and she could trust him...then maybe it could be something.

  He was motionless for a moment, as though he was deciding how to react. Then, he gripped her chin with his thumb and forefinger, holding her steady as he deepened the kiss. He kept it slow, too. Tasting her deeply, his pace leisurely as he swept his tongue over hers. As though he really did have all the time in the world. As though they might in fact have forever.

  She turned completely, getting on her knees between his size, leaning in, tracing a line on his chest with her tongue, all the way up to his neck where she pressed an openmouthed kiss to his skin. She looked up at him, at the feral light in his eyes, signaling his very tenuous grasp on his control. She affected him. She really did. This had nothing to do with anger, nothing to do with revenge. It was Elle and Apollo, and nothing else in between.

  Oh, how she craved that. That connection that was about the two of them and nothing else at all. She moved closer, straddling his lap, bringing the heart of her up against the uncompromising ridge of his arousal. She flexed her hips, rubbing against him, sending a sharp shock of pleasure through her body. He lowered his head, sucking one nipple deeply into his mouth, those two points of pleasure on her body joining up to create a sensation that threatened to overwhelm her completely. She grabbed hold of his face, held him steady, locked her eyes with his as she rose up slightly onto her knees, then lowered herself onto his arousal, taking him deep inside, sighing heavily as he filled her, satisfied her. Completed her.

  Apollo Savas had been sex to her from the moment she first met him. From the moment she understood what transpired between a man and a woman in the dark. She had always acknowledged that. Had always known it to be true. But she had missed something. She had missed the most important part of the equation. He wasn’t only sex. He was something more. Something deeper. Had it only ever been about sex she would never have been so afraid. But she had known that beneath that desire, beneath that base arousal, was something much darker, much deadlier, much more dangerous.