One Night to Risk It All Read online

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  IT WAS HER WEDDING DAY. Again. How strange to have a second wedding day in just over three months’ time.

  But here it was, that time again.

  She smoothed down the front of her wedding gown and looked in the mirror. It was a simple chiffon dress that flowed over her stomach. Her stomach which was not up to being squeezed into anything fitted. It was tender and she was already having to ponder maternity pants.

  The difference this time was that she loved Alex, and she knew that being with him was what she wanted. No, he didn’t exactly love her back. Or at least he hadn’t said that he did, but she wanted to be with him.

  And as Leah had said, sometimes you had to make choices.

  They were marrying on Alex’s island, rather than her father’s estate. It made her feel sort of wistful and sad. Actually, the fact that her family didn’t feel as much a part of it as her first wedding made her feel wistful and sad.

  And Alana hadn’t been able to make it, either, because she was attending a movie premiere in the States, as the guest of a celebrity she’d dressed. Great for her, but sucky for Rachel. Not that she would have ever asked her friend to give the opportunity up.

  It was for their business, after all. It was Alana’s career, but it was Rachel’s investment. It was a nice distraction, really. Knowing that was going on halfway around the world.

  Weddings, whether she loved the groom or not, made her nervous, it turned out.

  But at least she knew she wasn’t going to have any past lovers crashing this one.

  She took a deep breath and picked up her bouquet. No, nothing was going to mess this day up. And then she and Alex would be married and the rest would...just work itself out.

  She ignored the leaded weight in her stomach that said otherwise.

  * * *

  Alex looked out his office window, down to the grounds below. Chairs had been set up by the water, and people were already filling them. An arch was in place at the altar. There were flowers all over it. It looked a little bit fussy for Rachel. Not any more indicative of who she was than the first wedding had been. But then, she’d said she didn’t want to be part of the planning, so the coordinator had taken the helm.

  She’d have to be happy with what she got, because she was the one who’d made the decision not to make decisions. And he shouldn’t care if it “looked like Rachel” or not.

  It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that the wedding happened, and quickly.

  It was all about to begin. It was, in fact, time for him to head down there. He opened the door and started down the hall.

  This was it. The final piece to keep her with him.

  Because she made him feel new. She made him feel like he was something other than his blood. She made him feel like a man who was loved.

  And he needed that. He needed her.

  He went down the stairs and threw open the front doors of the mansion, striding down the walk and toward the beach. He made his way down the aisle, ignoring the head turns of the guests. People he didn’t know. All of them were Rachel’s guests.

  Because no one was here for him. He brought nothing in terms of connections or friendships to the marriage. He had no friends. He had clients. He had enemies.

  He had Rachel.

  And that was all.

  She had friends. She had a family who loved her. A lightness to her, that even with her pain and vulnerability seemed to shine through.

  She was good. And that wasn’t something that could ever be said about him. There was a reason no one had ever loved him.

  A large rock settled in the pit of his stomach, growing heavier with each step. Making each step a challenge.

  And as he stood there at the head of the aisle he scanned the crowd, and his eyes met with those of Ajax Kouros. Sitting in the front row, by himself, his wife likely gone to wait with Rachel.

  Ajax looked very like their father. It was a blessing in Alex’s mind that he himself did not.

  He wondered if they looked very much like brothers to a disinterested party. He thought he might see some similarities. The same jaw. The same chin. Ajax’s eyes were dark, while Alex had his mother’s eyes.

  But as he stood there, a sick, horrifying feeling washed over him.

  Ajax had their father’s eyes. Their father’s love. A love that Alex shouldn’t have wanted, but that he did want. Because he’d wanted someone’s love. Anyone’s. And Ajax had the love of so many. His wife, his father-in-law. He had a family. He had friends.

  Alex was alone.

  Alex, who was conniving to trap this woman, this loving beautiful woman, into a marriage that would offer her so very little.

  The way his father had kept his mother in the compound. On a leash made of drug addiction and a terrifying, unhealthy love.

  Alex was no better. He had used a woman’s body in a bid for revenge. And now he was tying her to him when he knew he could give her nothing but his anger, nothing but the black, wicked blood in his veins.

  As he saw Ajax sitting there, Alex saw nothing more than a man. Not a monster, not a demon.

  No, the demon had never been in Ajax. The demon had always been within Alex. It was the thing he feared, the thing he hated. And it was him.

  That was why no one loved him. Why his mother had taken death over a life with him.

  It had always been him.

  He took a step back down the aisle. And another. And another, until he was walking away from the beach, back toward the house.

  He stumbled inside and closed both doors behind him. And he looked up and saw Rachel coming down the stairs, with her sister, Leah, trailing behind, helping with the train of her gown.

  She looked like an angel. All in white, the gentle rounding of her stomach highlighted by the soft, flowing fabric. Her blond hair was in loose curls, a halo of gold that made him ache. Made him hate the man who had taken her innocence and used it in his games.

  Hate himself. More than he had ever hated Ajax. More than he had ever hated his father.

  More even than he’d hated his mother as he’d watched the blood drain from her body, as he’d watched her steal herself from him.

  Why would anyone ever love the creature he was? His mother must have known, even then, what he was. She had been able to love Kouklakis, but she’d never been able to love Alex. Had killed herself rather than face life away from the compound. Rather than face a life with just herself and Alex.

  If there was anything more telling he didn’t know what it was.

  I would have saved you. He’d wept that day. So hard. Without hope. I would have given you everything.

  It had never mattered. Because he wasn’t enough. He would never be enough.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said.

  She blinked. “What about? Is everything okay?”

  “We need to talk, Rachel.”

  “Okay. Leah, can you give us a moment?”

  Her sister nodded and headed back up the stairs, giving him a hard look that let him know she wasn’t overly impressed with him. Well, she would be even less impressed after this. But it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. He had just had a look in the mirror for the first time, so to speak, and he’d confirmed what the deep, clawing ache in him had always hinted at. No one hated him more than he did.

  Except for maybe Rachel. But she would hate him even more if he subjected her to a lifetime of him.

  “I am not marrying you,” he said.

  “What?”

  “You heard me,” he said. “I am not marrying you today.”

  “Why the hell not? I have a dress. We have a marriage license. What in the world is wrong with you?”

  “I have something I haven’t told you. Something that will change the wa
y you feel about me. It could do nothing else.”

  “What you just said has already started to change the way I feel about you.”

  “Understandably. And you need to hear this, too.”

  She threw her bouquet down on the step, spreading her arms wide then slapping her hands down on her hips before crossing her arms beneath her breasts. “All right. Great. Let’s hear it. Come at me, bro.”

  “Ajax Kouros is my brother.”

  That shocked her silent for a moment. “Say what now?”

  “Ajax is my brother. Nikola Kouklakis is our father. We have different mothers. I have never known who Ajax’s mother was, and doubtless he didn’t, either.”

  “Why didn’t he ever say anything?”

  “He doesn’t know. I didn’t find out until years after he’d left. He left when I was eight or so, he would have been...sixteen. He never knew.” He swallowed hard. “When I was fourteen I was told who my father was, by Nikola himself. I was terrified, because I’d always been afraid of him. I’d always hated him. But, he said, with Ajax gone I would have to be his heir. And then... And then he told my mother it was time for her to go because she’d outlived her usefulness there. She’d provided me with...a mother’s presence, I suppose, and now he no longer needed her.”

  Alex paused, his heart pounding, his body shaking. He’d never told anyone about this. Had never spoken these words out loud. He hated this memory. Hated this moment in his life. Hated this truth.

  “He told me how he had cared for me. How he had forbidden any of the men in the house from touching me, both when I was a boy and when I was older. How he made sure I got fed. I always thought it was her. But it wasn’t. It was never her.” He took a deep breath, afraid he might throw up. “I ran out of his office. I wanted nothing to do with him. With all of it. She was so angry with me. She told me...I’d ruined everything. She never wanted me. It was all for him. Everything she’d done for me had always been for him. I told her I would take care of her. I told her it would be all right.” Everything turned cold inside of him.

  “What happened?”

  “She killed herself. In front of me. Because that future, the end of everything, was preferable to a life spent with me.”

  Rachel’s eyes widened with horror, her view of life already darker because of him. Because of his truth. He was ruining her already. “Alex...I don’t... She had problems, Alex, it wasn’t you.”

  “It wasn’t me? She loved Nikola Kouklakis, and she couldn’t love me. Everyone loves Ajax. He came out of it...fine, just fine. I’m broken. Everything in me is...I am his son. All of the bad things are in me. I cause...destruction just by breathing.”

  “Based on what? The actions of a woman who was too broken to know real love when she saw it?”

  “It’s more than that. It was what my father did—he broke people. And I do it without even trying.”

  “That’s not true. I don’t care who your father is. I don’t care who your brother is. What your last name is, where you came from. If your mother was a prostitute or if you were a prostitute. I don’t care. I know who you are now. I love who you are now.”

  Her words burned in him, a sharp, almost refreshing sting. Antiseptic on an infection. He couldn’t accept it.

  “You can’t.”

  “I do. Alex, I love you. Your mother had a lot of things going wrong inside of her, and they weren’t your fault. She couldn’t love you, but that was because of her own heart, not yours. There’s nothing broken in you. You’re a good man, and I love you more than anything.”

  He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t. All he could see was his mother’s face, so haunted and broken at the thought of life away from the compound. Life with him. And then lifeless and blank as she lay there dying.

  He thought of Ajax, who’d transcended it all. Who’d found love and a life away from all of that while it all seemed to cling to Alex like creeping slime.

  It would never come clean. Ever. He would only poison her, too.

  “Don’t be so naive,” he said. “It was always going to happen this way. I didn’t want Holt. I never did. I wanted nothing less than your and Ajax’s utter humiliation. His leaving is part of what triggered my mother’s suicide. He escaped with no consequences, and it was my job to give them to him. Now he has married your sister, the second-choice bride, because he couldn’t have you. And then, I’ll make you available to him now that it’s too late. Now that you’re having my child and he’s married to someone else. Don’t you see how well you were played? Don’t bore me with any more of your declarations of love. They mean nothing, because you don’t know who I am. You can’t love me,” he said, the words choked. Because he knew they were true. She couldn’t love him. “You can’t love someone you’ve never truly met.”

  She raised a shaking hand, a tear sliding down her cheek. “Then it’s nice to meet you, Alexios Christofides.”

  He extended his hand and closed his fingers around hers. She was so soft and perfect he wanted to weep. This was the last time he would ever touch her. She would leave him now, and it would be for the best. For her. For their child.

  Their child should never know him. Everyone was better off without him in their lives.

  “I’m sure you don’t mean that,” he said.

  “No,” she said, “actually it really sucks.”

  “Shall you tell them all it’s off, or shall I?”

  “I will,” she said. “I can handle this myself. You’ve done enough. I’ll send for my things later. We won’t speak again. I assume you don’t want anything to do with the baby?”

  His heart screamed. And he ignored it. “No.”

  “Great. Great, that’s just...great. If you come near my family again, I will castrate you, do you understand? Because you’ve liberated me, and I will not go quietly. I won’t let you get away with anything. If you show up in our circles, I swear I will have your head on a pike. You thought your revenge on Ajax was bad? Just wait.” She walked past him and pushed the doors open, the sun illuminating her. She was no innocent angel now, she was an avenging angel. Caught on fire with the light of the sun. He had to look away. He closed his eyes and he could still see the impression of her behind his lids, burned there. He had a feeling when he closed his eyes it would always be her that he saw.

  The doors closed. And he heard footsteps behind him.

  And then something cold hit him in the back of the head. He turned and saw Rachel’s bouquet on the floor behind him, damaged now beyond recognition from hitting him. And then there was Leah, standing there looking like she was ready to castrate him in the real world.

  “It’s not over for you,” she said. “Not by a long shot. When Ajax finds out what you did...”

  “Let him come. Tell him to bring all the firepower he has. I don’t have anything to lose.” Not now. There was nothing left for him to lose that had any value or meaning. He’d just cut ties with the woman he... The woman who meant more to him than he could ever say. And his child. A child he would never see. Never touch. Never hold.

  It’s for the best. It’s for them.

  He walked past Leah and went up the stairs, back toward his office. He walked into the room and slammed the door behind him, locking it.

  He looked out the window and saw Rachel standing beneath the awful, ugly arch all alone, explaining to all those people that there would be no wedding.

  Then the world tilted beneath his feet and he found himself on the floor, on his knees. He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t think he would ever be able to get back up because he was crushed under the weight of it all.

  He had lost her. And it was only just now that he knew he loved her.

  But it didn’t matter. Loving her wasn’t a kindness if it meant binding her to a man who was poison down to his core. Everything he’d done to her since they’d met...
He was so bitter and twisted and she deserved more than that.

  She deserved everything. She deserved someone who wasn’t broken.

  He’d been broken from day one. Somehow...fundamentally in a way that made it so no one could ever love him. A tool for his father, a pawn for his mother.

  She deserved better. Rachel deserved everything.

  Hot, wet tears were on his cheeks. He didn’t care. He had caused Rachel’s first tears in years, and now she had caused his.

  A fitting end.

  Theos, but he hated that it was the end.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “MORE CANDY, RACH?”

  “Yes,” Rachel moaned, holding her hand out to her sister and letting her fill it with little chocolate shoes.

  She was lying on the couch in Leah and Ajax’s penthouse in New York, where she’d been staying for almost two weeks trying to heal from a completely shattered heart.

  She’d had a rage high for the first week. A total, deep and loathing hatred for Alex that made it impossible to cry over losing him. Made it impossible to think about their last conversation in any detail that went beyond the horrible, awful things he’d said.

  She’d let it fuel her, carry her, keep her from collapsing.

  In front of the wedding guests, she’d done nothing to take the high road. She’d done nothing to keep them from finding out what a hideous worm he was. She had been angry.

  A mother bear, feeling rage for her cub. He’d said he didn’t want to see their baby. His rejection of her was bad enough, but that rejection had opened up a well of maternal emotion she’d never felt before. It had given her a momentary, honest-to-God, deep desire to hurt him. Physically. To hit him with something hard. Repeatedly.

  But now the rage had subsided. And parts of their final conversation were replaying, sections she’d tried to forget. His revelations about himself. How he felt about himself. That his mother had killed herself rather than be with him. That the underlying tone of it all was that he was a man who felt unworthy. Of everything. He had hated Ajax, because Ajax had the one thing Alex didn’t think he would ever truly be able to have.