Christmastime Cowboy Read online

  He looked every inch the cowboy. Not even working on spreadsheets could make him look bookish.

  “Hey,” she said, leaning up against the doorway and looking down at him.

  He turned his focus to her, those green eyes never failing to make her feel like all the breath had been stolen from her lungs.

  “Hi.”

  “Are you...about ready? The little rush of the day is over, and I can leave now if I want. Today just isn’t going to be very busy.”

  “Sure.” He closed his computer and stuffed it into a soft sleeve.

  As he did that, his muscles shifted and the ink on his arm moved right with it. His hands were large and battered from all the work he did outside, but more than capable of handling something delicate. Like a computer.

  Or her body.

  “You’re like a cologne commercial,” she blurted.

  He looked up at her. “I’m what?”

  She giggled. Giggled. What the hell was wrong with her? “I mean...because you’re rugged, and manly, versatile.”

  His eyebrows shot upward. “Versatile?”

  “Yeah. You can do math or fix fences instead. Good on the ranch, better...”

  “In bed?” One side of his mouth lifted upward in a lopsided smile and made her heart turn over.

  “Well, that wasn’t how I was going to finish that sentence. That would not get past Standards and Practices.”

  “Standards and Practices are boring as hell.”

  “Well. Boring or not, it isn’t going to make it to print if it’s inappropriate.”

  “Honey, I only know how to be inappropriate. And I think you like that about me.” He moved over to her, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss.

  She was about to protest, because they were at work, and someone could walk in. But then, she forgot to protest, because she forgot the moment his lips touched hers.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he braced her with one strong arm curved around her waist like an iron bar. She clung to him, her breasts pressed against his chest, her knees going weak.

  “Ahem.” Sabrina jumped out of Liam’s arms, brushing herself off as she looked up and saw Olivia standing in the doorway. “I wondered who you were talking to.”

  “Just... Working on... Spreadsheets. With Liam.”

  “Really?” she asked, sounding snippy.

  Liam looked between Olivia and Sabrina. “I’ll meet you at the truck,” he said, excusing himself and walking past Olivia. She knew that he wasn’t abandoning her; rather he was doing his part to make the situation less awkward so she could speak freely.

  “So,” Olivia said, her voice like acid. “You’re sleeping with him.”

  “Not...right now. Right now I’m standing here with you. And I’m not asleep.”

  “You have slept with him. Had sex with him.”

  “Yes,” Sabrina said. “But I don’t see what the big deal is with that?”

  “Nothing,” Olivia bit out.

  She turned and walked out of the office. “What? Olivia... Whatever is happening, I’m not going to be the victim of your sniping and silent disapproval for the next few weeks, so you might as well tell me what the problem is.”

  “Everyone has someone.”

  “You have someone,” Sabrina pointed out. “You had someone this whole time. In fact, a year ago, you were the only one of us who had a boyfriend.”

  “I mean... The way that he kissed you. The way that he looks at you.”

  “Bennett looks at you like you’re a princess,” Sabrina said. “He calls you princess. You mean...a lot to him.”

  “Yeah. But he doesn’t want to... He doesn’t look at me like he wants to eat me.”

  “Well, if that’s something that bothers you then you need to talk to him.”

  “I can’t. I can’t talk to him about that.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “He’ll say that it’s my fault.”

  “Why would he say that?”

  “Because I won’t sleep with him. Not until we get engaged.”

  Sabrina was stunned by that. She really shouldn’t have been. Olivia had alluded to the fact that she was opposed to sex without a commitment before, so it really stood to reason. And Sabrina should have put two and two together and come up with celibate. It was just that she hadn’t, because the two of them had been together for long enough that it didn’t seem feasible.

  “So you’ve been waiting to have sex with him until he gets engaged to you.”

  “That is what I just said,” Olivia said. “And I stand by that decision. It’s what I want. It’s how I want to do things. I just... I’m jealous. I’m jealous, because what you’re doing looks like more fun than what I’m doing right now.”

  “Olivia,” Sabrina said softly. “If you’re making that decision for reasons that are important to you then you should stand by it,” Sabrina said. “And you’ll be happy that you did. Because standing by what you believe in isn’t a bad thing. Especially not if acting in a way you don’t think is right would just fill you with regret later.” Sabrina tried to force a laugh. “How much fun can you have when you feel guilty?”

  She was the one who had posed the question, but she felt like there was no simple answer to that. Since, in her experience, a little bit of shame made things interesting.

  That delicious lick of naughtiness that she felt when Liam touched her only added to the thrill. Of course, she’d never had a physical relationship with anyone in the context of a regular relationship, so maybe it was always like this. She wouldn’t know.

  “I just thought that he would propose. I thought that it was almost there. That’s what I felt like. Like the light was in sight at the end of the tunnel. It was going to be a big fat Christmas light. A big romantic Christmas proposal. And I ruined it, because I asked him, and he said it wasn’t happening yet. He said that when it was all coming together, and it was the right time, he would let me know. But it’s not now. I thought it was now.” She sniffed loudly. “I wish I had never asked him.”

  “It wouldn’t have been better for you to be blindsided when he didn’t ask you come Christmas, honey,” Sabrina said, wrapping her arm around her friend. “I don’t know anything about relationships. I spent thirteen years hung up on Liam. So I do know what it’s like to be completely stuck on one man no matter what. No matter what anyone tells you to do, no matter what logic dictates you should do. I’m not judging you. But I’m not sure that loving someone should make you this miserable.”

  Liam made her a special kind of miserable. Her chest hurt as much as her body felt good. But she didn’t love him.

  Wasn’t love supposed to look like what Bennett and Olivia had? Steady, certain? It might not be fireworks or excitement, but it was the kind of thing that would last, surely.

  “My parents had passion,” she said, her stomach turning just talking about them like that. But it was true. And it was the only real advice she had to give. “And my mom has always been fickle. She’s never been faithful to my father. And he stays. He stays, even though he’s hurt and bitter. I would rather have comfortable and certain, and slow over any of that. I know it seems like it’s taking forever now, but you want to be married to him forever, right?”

  “Yes,” Olivia said, the word watery.

  “Then you don’t need to hurry on into forever. You’ll have a ton of time. And then it will be worth the wait.”

  Olivia nodded and Sabrina felt a sense of disquiet in her chest, a strange feeling of guilt. Like she had said the wrong thing somehow, except she believed what she had said.

  Yes, what she and Liam had was hot enough to light bedsheets on fire. But not everybody needed that. And that wasn’t the same thing. It wasn’t love, it was just lust. It wouldn’t last, it would burn itself out, and if Olivi
a was averse to those kinds of relationships, then she really wouldn’t miss it.

  “If Bennett is truly the one, the one that you want, the one that you know that you’re supposed to be with... That he really will be worth waiting for.” She released her hold on Olivia and walked outside.

  It was gray, the fog hanging low, the December frost fighting hard to cling to the evergreen trees that surrounded the winery grounds.

  She took a deep breath and watched it float away and join the mist. She hoped like hell she had given good advice.

  There was only one part of that equation she knew for sure. That if you were supposed to wait for a certain man... Well, then you were.

  Sure, with Liam it was all sex, but her body had certainly been intent on waiting for him.

  And speaking of, her body gave a little internal leap when it saw him standing out there leaning against the truck looking all sexy and rakish and disreputable. Not at all like the smart choice. Not at all like certainty or true love.

  No, he was every inch that bad-boy fantasy that she had long craved and then some.

  Physical. Not love. Certainly nothing for Olivia to envy. Although, Sabrina wouldn’t trade her for all the shoes in her closet.

  “Is she okay?” he asked.

  “She has the I want to get engaged blues, and I think any relationship happening around her is being taken as a personal affront.”

  “I see. Well, I don’t see, but I expect that’s okay.”

  She laughed. “Yes, it is.”

  “As long as you’re happy.”

  She looked around at the winery, the winery she had been barred from essentially until recently, the one that she loved with all of her heart. At the manicured grounds, the rustic barns, the stately pine trees. And then she looked back at Liam.

  Who looked right here. Who felt right with her.

  Just lust. Just lust.

  “I’m very happy.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “IS ALISON JOINING us for dinner tonight?” Lane asked, directing the question at Cain.

  They were all sitting around in the kitchen, some of them in the island, some of them at the table in the corner, Alex, Clara, Lane and Finn, Cain and his daughter, Violet. But not his wife, Alison.

  “I’m not sure. It depends on if she’s able to get up.”

  “Not so smug now,” Finn asked, “are you?”

  “Hey,” Cain said. “Do not give us grief about her morning sickness. She didn’t say anything, I was the one being cocky.”

  “Yeah. Well, I’m just saying. You are acting like there was nothing that was going to throw you for a loop.”

  “I didn’t know she was going to be sick all day. It’s morning sickness. You’re supposed to be sick in the morning.”

  “I guess your new baby doesn’t have a watch in the womb.”

  Violet, who was seventeen and plagued by life, scowled. “I can’t believe my stepmother is pregnant. It’s embarrassing.”

  “Are you happy you’re going to be a big sister?” Lane asked.

  “Of course I’m happy. I just don’t like having to explain to my friends that my dad got someone pregnant.”

  “You find it horrifying now, Violet,” Clara said, “but believe me, when you’re old like us you’ll be glad that kind of thing is still happening.”

  Violet wrinkled her nose. “I might have to go join Alison in a sickbed.”

  “How dare you?” Liam asked, directing the question to Cain. “How dare you pursue happiness and have a new child when your daughter is so humiliated.”

  “A little humiliation is good for you.” Cain winked. “It builds character.”

  “Then I have the most character of anyone I know,” Violet said.

  “That’s actually true, Bo,” Cain said.

  She made a wretched face and then went back to eating the lasagna that Lane had made.

  “How is everything coming with the tasting room?”

  “Just about done,” Liam said.

  “Why hasn’t Sabrina joined us for dinner yet?” Lane pressed.

  Liam shot a look at Clara, and then looked back at his sister-in-law. “Why would she?”

  “Because you have more than a business relationship with her, and don’t you dare get mad at Clara, I would have guessed anyway.”

  “Fine,” he said. “We’re having more than just a business partnership.” He looked at his brothers, daring them to say something.

  “You say that like we didn’t know,” Finn said. “We’ve known from the beginning this was going to happen.”

  “Great.”

  Cain reached across the table and slapped a dollar bill down in front of Finn. “You win,” he said. “I thought that he could hold out. I was wrong. Apparently my faith in our brother’s self-control was misplaced.”

  “You absolute jerk,” Liam said.

  Finn grinned broadly and pocketed the money. “Being an unfaithful louse really pays sometimes.”

  “You did not place bets on me,” Liam said.

  “No,” Alex responded. “They didn’t. Or, if they did, they didn’t tell me. And they didn’t invite me into the pool, which is offensive, because I would’ve beaten them both.”

  “No, you wouldn’t have,” Finn said. “You’re his little brother. You worship the ground he walks on. You would have had way too much faith in him.”

  “I’m realistic about him,” Alex said.

  Liam spread his arms wide. “I am sitting right here.”

  “Yes, you are,” Cain said, waving. “Hi.”

  “I’m sitting here too,” Violet said, her lip curled in disgust.

  “I’m sorry, Violet,” Alex said. “Do you need to go sit at the kids table?”

  “Duh, Uncle Alex, I know that you guys are gross.”

  “Okay then, don’t act offended.”

  Liam shook his head and went back to eating his dinner, ignoring the buzz of chatter coming from his sister-in-law and his sister-in-law-to-be. They were clearly overexcited because they thought that something permanent was going to happen with Sabrina and himself. And maybe, if they were different people, Lane and Clara would be correct. But he had an aversion to relationships a mile wide, and he figured Sabrina wasn’t much different. The way she had talked about her parents... The way that her family was...

  It just wasn’t for people like them.

  So many people had the fantasy of the house, the picket fence, that kind of togetherness and love and laughter. It all just made him feel like he was being strangled with a noose. He hated it. Hated the very thought.

  “Hey,” Alex said once the dinner plates had been cleared. “I want to talk to you for a little bit.”

  “We can talk here,” Liam said, folding his arms over his chest and looking around the dining area.

  “I’d rather not,” he said. “I’d rather go to the living room.”

  He gave his brother a sidelong glance but followed him from the room the whole crowd was in into the living room. He kept his arms crossed, rocking back on his heels, fixing his gaze on the rock fireplace that spread from floor to ceiling, before shifting to the large windows that during the day overlooked an expansive view of mountains and trees.

  “We set a date,” Alex said. “Clara and I. We’re going to have the wedding in May.”

  “Congratulations,” Liam said, and he meant it. He wanted Alex to have that normal life. That normal life that he knew he wasn’t going to get.

  He considered it one of the very few true accomplishments in his life that Alex had been able to heal enough to go on and find love. He really did. If it meant that Alex lived with a slightly different memory of their childhood than Liam did, that was fine with him.

  It was preferable.


  “Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure you were going to be in town then.”

  He looked away from the glass that was mostly reflecting his own cranky expression, and turned his focus to his brother. “Yeah. I’ll be here.”

  “Good. Because I want you to be my best man.”

  Liam just stared at his brother. “A best man?”

  “Yes, asshole. Who did you think I was going to ask?”

  Liam shrugged. “One of your soldier buddies. You know, one of the guys who actually had your back in the trenches, instead of the guy that gave you wedgies when you were smaller than he was.”

  “My best friend in the military is dead. And even then, he was my brother in arms, and he was Clara’s brother. But he wasn’t my brother. You are. You were there all my life. You’re the only one who was there all of my life. You’re important to me, dammit.”

  “You’re already engaged, Alex, you don’t need to gear up to propose to me too.”

  “This is called brotherly love, jackass.”

  Liam huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. I’ll be your best man.” It made his stomach turn over, made his chest feel strange. Both a little bit too small for his vital organs, and also numb. “Do I have to wear a suit?”

  “I figured you already had a suit.”

  Liam chuckled. “I do.”

  “So, it’s also cost-effective to use you.”

  “Well I’m glad to be the cost-effective choice.”

  Alex hesitated for a moment. “You’ve always been there for me. You’re the reason that I’m with Clara now. Without you, without that talk you gave me, it wouldn’t have gone the way that it did. You’ve always been there for me. In more ways than I think I even know.”