Cowboy Christmas Blues Read online

  He frowned. “That’s a pretty distasteful way of putting it.”

  “It is distasteful,” she maintained, moving from behind the counter and busying herself straightening clothes on the rack.

  “It’s distasteful that I want to protect you? Because that’s the issue here. You were... I mean, I remember you being a little kid and I had to catch you when you fell out of an apple tree. I put a Band-Aid on your skinned knee once, and I know that...somewhere in there you caught a case of hero worship. Trust me, Annabelle, I’m not a hero. And I would never have put us in this kind of position if I’d known.”

  Suddenly, Annabelle seemed to boil over, and he wondered if he would have to be ready to dodge a blow after all. She stamped her foot, her hands balled into fists at her sides. “Well, excuse me. Excuse me for thinking that you might actually see me as a woman. That you might actually want me. I am so done with this, Cooper. I am tired of being not good enough, not exciting enough. Is that the real reason this is a problem? Was I not sexy enough for you? Was it a massive turnoff when my foundational garment was removed and you saw that I didn’t have a six-pack? Are my hips problematic?” She slapped her hands down on said hips in emphasis. “What about these?” She raised her hands, cupping her own breasts and shaking them. “Not exactly sample size.”

  “No,” he said, heat licking through him like a match being struck, his body getting hard as his gaze was drawn to those pretty curves of hers. “You were not a turnoff in any way. I didn’t mean to give you that impression and I’m sorry that I did. But the reality of the situation is I’m a man who lives on the road. I have no desire to have a family, or to have a wife. And I don’t want any more ties to this damned place. It’s not a happy place for me. I don’t want to have a woman here. That’s why I wouldn’t have chosen to get involved with someone as complicated as you.”

  “Right.” She rolled her eyes. “Complicated. Well, there’s always something wrong with me. My ex, Parker, certainly made sure to drive that point home, as if I didn’t already know that. And now I know I’m not even good enough for a little bit of sex.”

  “You’re too good for it, Annabelle,” he said, softening his tone.

  “But you aren’t? Whatever the hell woman you thought I was wasn’t too good for it?”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I’m not sure you know what you mean,” she said, the words far too pointed.

  Maybe she was right. Maybe all his excuses were BS. Maybe it all had to do with the strange, vague weight that settled in his chest when he thought of this place. The way that sex felt heavier because it had been with her.

  Maybe it was that.

  And there were no words to explain that. Nothing to throw out easily as a logical explanation. It wasn’t logic. It was all that shit around his heart that ached and stabbed at him even when he wanted to pretend it wasn’t there.

  “Fine,” he said. “If that’s not good enough for you, then just try to understand that this is messed up. Your dad would punch me in the face, and it would be the kind of rumor that would never stop circulating around town. Though at least it would let me be something other than the guy with the dead sister. I could be the guy who screwed Annabelle Preston and then left her.”

  “Why is there no allowance in there for me to be the one screwing you? I wanted this. I...I have wanted it.” She frowned, her cheeks getting pinker, her brown eyes turning glossy. “I spent five years with the same guy. Having mediocre sex and listening to all the ways I failed to impress him. When I saw you last night at the bar, I thought that you finally wanted me. That I could have a little piece of something that wasn’t disappointing. That wasn’t mediocre. That’s what I wanted. I felt so... You made me feel beautiful. And then you took it away.”

  “You are beautiful,” he said, not able to stop himself from taking a step toward her. “You can’t doubt that I enjoyed being with you.”

  “Of course I can. Because you ran off. You said it would never happen again. And you told me not to tell anyone.”

  “That’s because of who you are. Who I am. Really, it’s because of who we are.”

  “Who’s that?” she asked, sounding impatient.

  “You’re little Annabelle Preston and I’m...”

  “No,” she said. “I’m not little anything. I’m Annabelle Preston, and I own this store. I’m a grown woman, and you’re a man. There is no reason that what happened last night shouldn’t have happened. Your reasoning is bullshit.”

  “My reasoning is designed to keep you safe, Annabelle,” he said.

  “I don’t want to be safe,” she whispered. “I’ve been safe for too long. Safe is boring. And it’s dull. Safe just kills you even more slowly.”

  “Well, I don’t want to kill you at all.”

  “Funny I can’t say the same,” she said drily.

  She was right. It was bullshit. Because here he was staring down a woman he wanted more than he wanted to keep on breathing, telling her all the reasons he couldn’t have her again when he wasn’t even sure he believed them anymore.

  It was Christmas. He was back in Gold Valley, reliving all the pain from his past... Didn’t he deserve something?

  “I’m only in town through Christmas,” he said, his voice rough.

  She was looking at him with those far-too-familiar brown eyes, but that wasn’t what was compelling him. No matter how deeply he tried to drill into his head that this was a woman he had known in childhood—a woman who was younger than him, less experienced and probably far too trusting of him because she had this idea that he knew who he was—he couldn’t shake the fact that he was attracted to her.

  And why the hell not? She presented a good point. She wasn’t a kid anymore. The gulf between their ages was definitely narrowed by the years, and she seemed to want this as much as he did. Even if he shouldn’t want it.

  Her dad might still punch him out, but with the limited timeline, they might also be able to keep it a secret.

  “I’m only here for the week,” he repeated. “Six days to Christmas. But I can sure as hell use some distraction during that time.”

  She blinked. “Are you...propositioning me?”

  “Didn’t you want me to?”

  “Well, you were warning me away a few minutes ago, so it seems like a strange shift in tone.”

  “I want you,” he said, closing the distance between them. “I shouldn’t. But dammit, ever since I drove back into town it’s like the past is closing in on me. My memories of losing Lindsay feel like they could be from yesterday, not from eight years ago. And the only time I felt halfway decent was when you kissed me. When I was inside you. I wouldn’t mind feeling that good again.”

  “Oh,” she said, lush lips rounding.

  “But you have to understand that it’s just for now. It won’t be every time I come back. And when I leave...”

  “You’ll sleep with other women?”

  “We won’t be tied to each other,” he said, liking the sound of that much better. Feeling like it made him less of an ass, as long as he made it clear that the freedom worked both ways.

  She bit her lush lip, studying him for a moment.

  “I’m not sure,” she said, lifting her chin. “Because what I don’t want is to be a pity lay. I don’t want feelings or a relationship or anything either, but I want to be sure that if we’re having sex, you’re into it.”

  “Annabelle,” he said, his voice rough even to his own ears. “I wanted you last night when I didn’t know who you were.”

  “And you quit wanting me the minute you found out.”

  “Hell no. I still wanted you. Why’d you think I had to leave?”

  She blinked. “I just thought it was because you were completely grossed out.”

  He chuckled, hard and bitter. “That would m
ake things a lot simpler.”

  She looked like she was fully considering all these things, all the options. Perhaps even still the option of pounding his head in with a lamp. But when she finally spoke, it wasn’t to make threats. “Well, if we can’t have simple, maybe we can have hot?” She looked hopeful.

  “Sounds good to me, though that could be because there’s no more blood left in my brain.” His reasoning was flawed, no two ways about it. But he was kind of past the point of reasoning. So what if it was Annabelle? It wouldn’t matter in the end. He hadn’t recognized her, because she hadn’t been in his life for the past eight years. And when he left Gold Valley after Christmas, she’d go back to not being in his life. As long as they didn’t parade around in public they could easily keep their parents out of it, they would keep the town out of it, and it wouldn’t matter. In the end, it would just be a fond memory for them both. And until then he would have some much-needed oblivion in the middle of all this sharp, horrible Christmas cheer.

  “Can you come over tonight?” she asked.

  He looked at her, watched as the color in her cheeks intensified under his intense scrutiny. He wanted to kiss her. Didn’t want to wait for privacy or the cover of darkness or anything. “You won’t be able to keep me away.”

  His mother came back into the store then, Opal tagging along behind her. “I hope you don’t mind, Cooper. I think we picked up a third for lunch.”

  “Not at all,” he said, forcing his focus away from Annabelle and back onto his mom. Whatever she needed, he would give it to her. He was here to visit his parents, to play the part of good son. This arrangement with Annabelle wasn’t his focus. It just made his time here bearable. Hell, more than bearable. It made it pretty sweet.

  “Why don’t we head to Bellissima?” his mother suggested.

  “Sounds good.”

  He turned back to Annabelle and tipped his hat. “See you around.”

  “See you around,” she echoed softly.

  It was going to be a hell of a long day.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ANNABELLE HAD NO idea how she made it through the rest of the day. She was jangly and jittery until the moment she turned the Closed sign around and started counting out the till.

  Then she looked up and saw her father standing there at the door.

  She sighed, feeling beleaguered, which really wasn’t fair because she loved her dad. But she was really looking forward to seeing Cooper.

  She rounded the counter and walked over to the door, letting him in. “Dad,” she said, “what are you doing here?”

  “I was driving by, saw that you were still in the shop. Figured I would stop in.”

  “Oh, that’s... Thank you. I’m glad you did. And I’d love to visit. But I’m...kind of in a hurry?” To have sex with a hot man. She wouldn’t say that last part. Even thinking it in front of her dad was uncomfortable.

  “I won’t keep you,” he said, even as he wandered in a slow circle around the store, clearly willing to keep her a little bit. “I hear that Cooper Mason is back in town.”

  The back of her neck prickled, spreading up to her scalp. Was her dad psychic? Being raised by a single dad had always been tricky. She hadn’t had a woman in her life to teach her about the softer things. But that also meant that she was close with her father. They had spent tons of time together when she was growing up, and she had spent a lot of that time on various mechanic jobs with him, talking to him about everything, even when it was uncomfortable things. Each was all the other had.

  But she would not be talking to him about her recent relationship change with Cooper. Having a physical-only affair with the son of a family friend wasn’t really the kind of thing she and her dad could talk about.

  “I saw him at the saloon last night,” she said, not seeing any point in lying about that because it would be too easy for her story to be contradicted. Plenty of people had seen them together last night. A few people had probably even seen them kiss. Though she doubted anyone would rat her out to her dad. Still, rumors did get around.

  “He was always a good boy,” her dad said.

  She cringed, wondering just how much of a good boy her dad would think he was if he knew what they had done last night. Or how Cooper had treated her afterward.

  “He’s nice enough,” she supplied.

  “Really sad about his sister.”

  Her heart twisted. It was unavoidable. What everyone in town thought of when they thought of Cooper. When they thought of Connie and Jeff. Gold Valley was small enough that it was common to know pieces of the stories of half the people you walked by on the street. Especially the interesting pieces. The gossip-worthy bits.

  Tragedy was interesting when it wasn’t yours. A chance to make mournful expressions and then whisper about it intently behind your hand.

  It was like a cloud that hung over the entire Mason family, over Lindsay’s widowed husband, Grant.

  She wondered what that must be like. To be so defined by such a terrible thing. To know that when you saw a person you knew in the grocery store, the minute you walked away they’d explain to their friend, That’s Grant Dodge. His wife died a few years back.

  She wondered if it was why Cooper stayed away.

  “You okay?” her dad asked.

  “Why?”

  “You seem quiet.”

  “I was just thinking about Lindsay,” she said truthfully. “It’s sad what happened. I don’t blame Cooper for not coming back often.”

  “You loved him when you were a kid,” her dad said, smiling. “You had a crush on him that was clear as day to anyone who looked at you.”

  Heat raced through her. “Dad,” she said. “That was a long time ago.”

  “Maybe, but it seems like yesterday. Besides, it was cute to watch you follow him around the ranch.”

  “Well.” She cleared her throat. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

  “I know.”

  “I hate to move you along, but I really am in a rush. I’ll see you for Christmas, though,” she promised. “I’m going to cook a turkey. Stuffing. Mashed potatoes. Everything you like.”

  She had started cooking Christmas dinner the moment she had learned how. Because she had been very tired of frozen lasagna for every single holiday at that point.

  “You’re a good daughter, Annabelle,” her dad said. “Do you know that?”

  She forced a smile. “I do,” she said.

  As her dad walked out, she pondered those words and why they made her feel weird. Yes, she was a good daughter to him; she knew that. But for a lot of her life she’d just felt like she made things more difficult for him.

  She had been the product of a one-night stand, and a mother who hadn’t wanted a child. So her father had taken her on when he’d still been a teenager. And he had devoted his life to her. But she wondered. Wondered if she was the reason her father had never found anyone. If she was the reason he’d ended up a heavy-machinery mechanic, because practicality had been more important than schooling of any kind.

  She shook her head. Shook off all thoughts of her mother, of all her father had given up for her. Because that was another dead end of terrible thoughts that made her feel sad and small. Inadequate.

  Annabelle was a puzzle piece that didn’t fit neatly into anyone’s life. She understood that. But sometimes she wished it could be different.

  Except for this week. This week, she was what Cooper Mason needed. She was going to be the bright spot. And that felt pretty damned good.

  CHAPTER SIX

  ANNABELLE WASN’T SURE if you were supposed to get a man refreshments when you invited him over for an evening of casual sex. She really had no idea what to do in this kind of scenario. She’d had that one long-term relationship. Just the one. Until last night, Parker was the only man
who had ever seen her naked, and he had always taken great pains to let her know how disappointing it was. He was awful, and she knew that, but it didn’t mean that her self-esteem was unaffected.

  But Cooper wanted her.

  Actually, the fact that he wanted her in spite of his reservations was cheering in some ways. She decided to get a bottle of wine down from the cupboard. As she was in the midst of battling with the cork, there was a knock on the front door.

  Her finger still wrapped around the slim neck of the bottle, she walked over to it and threw it open. And then her heart stopped. Because there was Cooper, looking at her like he might want to eat her alive. And this time, he was well aware of who he was looking at.

  Happiness burst through her chest.

  She couldn’t help it. Couldn’t stop it. She didn’t want to attach any particular feelings to this thing between them, not after his very stern lecture. But this man was her lifelong fantasy. The moment she had begun to understand what happened between men and women, she had begun to think about what it might be like to do that with him. To have those rough, large hands on her body.

  But then the world had fallen apart, and he had left town. And she had nothing but the memory of that one long hug to fuel her.

  Then there had been Parker, and she had been forced to reconcile the fact that reality was not as much fun as fantasy.

  Until last night. Until she had finally gotten the man of her dreams. Until he had finally shown her that reality could be even better than fantasy as long as the sex was with the right person.

  Physically. He was the right person physically. That was all. She’d always found him hot, so undoubtedly being with him fulfilled that natural desire she felt.

  This time it probably wouldn’t be as good. This time, there wouldn’t be years of buildup leading up to it. They’d just been together last night. She’d had two orgasms. There was no way tonight would be as good. She didn’t possess the strength for it to be that good.